The "Catholic Bubble"

During my sophomore year of high school at colorguard practice (artistic form of ROTC) one night, I tossed my rifle up in the air for a double flat toss (a double flat toss is when the rifle spins around twice in a helicopter like fashion) but when I caught it my left hand missed and the rifle hit me in the face right at my left eyebrow. It felt like I had walked into a door, there was obvious pain but after a second I knew I would be able to shake it off. However, my coach immediately yelled for everyone to stop and urgently waved me to the sideline. It was then that I noticed my hand was wet with the blood dripping from where I had been hit. I went to an urgent care facility where they gave me 10 stitches.

The doctors told me I could practice the next day but for the first 24 hours it could not be to the extent of sweating which could possibly infect the wound. I went back the next day and my friends showed me where they had washed the blood off of my rifle. The problem was I knew what toss had hit me in the head and the blood was in the wrong place. It was a month before I finally figured out that I had twisted my rifle just slightly during the part before so the rifle was flipped the wrong way when I tossed it. That little mistake led to me miscalculating where to place my hands and therefore lead to me getting hit in the face.

Anyways, after the first 24 hours I went back to practice like normal but naturally when it came to that toss I would choose not to throw the toss out of fear. Slowly I worked my way up to tossing a single flat toss and I did that for a couple weeks. It wasn't until I had figured out the mistake I had made before I finally worked up the nerves to throwing the toss again. To this day I still flinch every time I see someone throw the toss.

Now there is a point to this. Many of us Catholics I feel sometimes have a tendency to live in a "Catholic bubble", I too am guilty of this. By "Catholic bubble" I mean that we have become so focused on our faith that we surround ourselves constantly with other Catholics. This is not a bad thing, in fact it is a wonderful thing to be around such wonderful people all the time. The problem with the "Catholic bubble" sometimes is that there is a certain level of spiritual fitness that we can never reach if we never leave the bubble. In the "Catholic bubble" life is easy, right and wrong are clear, temptation is little to none, and everyone around you supports and agrees with you.

"A lot of people view faith in God as something that binds you, places outdated rules on you, and most certainly isn’t worth all the hassle. The reality is the opposite: we’re made free in surrendering our lives to God – free from sin, from chains of addiction, from baggage, etc." Aaron Hostetter

It is much easier to be a good Catholic when you are surrounded by other Catholics than those who are not.

An example of this done beautifully is the life of Saint Vitalis of Gaza. Saint Vitalis was a monk who spent his days working as a day laborer. Every night Saint Vitalis would hire a prostitute for the night. Instead of having them "work" he instead would ask them to spend the one night free of sin in turn he would often pray with the women and bring them the gospel with his words and his actions. This man lived a life of holiness and chastity despite the fact that he was surrounded by such an immense amount of sin and temptation. After his death, many converted prostitutes came out of hiding processing with candles and lanterns as his body was taken to the grave.

It is the ultimate goal to have the strength to do what is hard without getting injured, or if you will, the lantern on a hill to the rest of the world. This is also similar to a gymnast who perfects technique before attempting a difficult stunt. The "Catholic bubble" can be extremely beneficial because you can avoid injury but, at the same time, I feel as though we ought to strive for more. I have a few specific friends that I can say are some of the most devout Catholics I know although many would never know it because of who they spend their time with. These friends of mine have many friends who make poor decisions but by living a wonderful Catholic life in a non-Catholic environment they have been able to bring the word of God to those who otherwise would never hear the name of Jesus. The lives that these friends live is so beautiful because they are strong enough in their faith that they are able to go into the darkest places without injuring themselves.

I would like to close with a quote:

"Judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the heart." - Saint Vitalis

God of a Colorful People

So I woke up today and I was going to put up some nice elegant post of some sort but something in me just said that I needed to share this reflection I had written 2 years ago while in physics class when we were taking notes on light. I have made a few modifications since the original version simply to make it more theologically accurate because at the time I lacked in knowledge that I now have. Still the message stays the same.

In science we are taught that black is not a color, it is just the absence of light. God tells us that he is in the light. In Genesis it says how before God created light there was nothing it was darkness, does this mean before light there was no God? but yet in order to have black darkness (the absence of light) there had to be light in order for there to be the absence of light.

Before Jesus, was hell not hurtful but just black darkness? When Jesus went to hell to save us did he bring light in that moment creating fire? This fire being not absence but ultimate desire to be with him? After all God describes his heart as burning with desire to love us and for us to love him. Is this not like a desperate girl after a break up? She wants the guy so much that it hurts her and after a while she forgets why shes hurting, she just hurts with the desire to be with him but she has forgotten it is him that she wants and desires.

Did God not exist before the light? or did he exist but not yet been revealed until the love and desire for human life was created? Could that be what created light? Does light consists of two parts? God's love for us and the essence of what we are as humans, could it be that when the God's love and God's desire for human life were brought together they create a big explosion and in return we were created? and when we were created a white pure light was made, thus revealing God to us? Is God not light without the essence of human life?

Therefore, if God is light then one must think we must have been created to absorb the light. White light is pure it's made up of all light but we as humans are colorful beings, we absorb light and what we reflect off of us is what we don't absorb, what we don't absorb keeps us from being white perfect light, what we don't absorb is reflected and goes to waste. So by being colorful as humans we are showing our imperfection, were not absorbing all the light, all the colors.

What colors we reflect are the colors we don't absorb and when we become blackness and go into the dark we would be refusing to absorb, refusing to absorb the great white and pure light that is our God.

Paper Lanterns

Did you know that if you spin in a circle really fast when it's dark outside and someone shines a light in your eyes you will immediately fall to the ground? No one knows exactly why this is but I can't help but think that maybe the brain is overwhelmed by the brightness of the light that it brings us to our knees.

God saw how good the light was. God then separated the light from the darkness. Genesis 1:4

Last Friday I went to dinner with some new friends of mine. After dinner some of the girls in our group wanted to go light some paper lanterns they had bought. Intrigued, the entire group decided to go along for the ride. So here I found myself in an empty field, in the middle of the night, with people that I barely knew, lighting things on fire. The introvert side of me was NOT happy.

So as a group we lit the first lantern but as the hot air filled the lantern it was apparent that the wind might cause a problem. If you have never lit a paper lantern before, it is important that the lantern to floats upward into the sky. My friends, James and Zach, and myself (the intelligent ones of the group) began to logically inform the group of why this was a bad idea. We saw that the wind could possibly blow the lantern sideways, and if the lantern hit the ground too soon, it could potentially start a dangerous fire. After much pleading, the others listened to us and the debate about the lanterns was over (or so we thought).

After a minute or so we notice that those who thought the lantern was a good idea have quietly gone to the other side of the field, making a second attempt to light another paper lantern. The lantern fills with hot air and rises into the sky. James, Zach, and I stand back fearing the worst possible outcome as the paper lantern just misses the power lines. The 3 of us stood back to watch   the lantern float up into the sky. My knees became weak and I struggled just to keep from falling to the ground. When the lantern finally dies out the group comes back to us with one last lantern to light. This time all of us light the lantern and we each hold onto an edge. The lantern fills with hot air and nervously I am the last to let go of the lantern. 

As the lantern floated into the dark sky I was overwhelmed with peace because I was no longer focused on blowing out the light God gave to me at my very Baptism. Instead, I was looking at how bright the flame was in the midst of the dark night.

Fire is a scary thing. Fire spreads fast in a wildfire. Fire can burn us, destroy homes, and at times fire can even kill. There is a reason why Hell is described as a burning pit. 

At the same time there is this other type of fire, one that provides light. This fire of light is our baptismal candle, it’s the lit candle in memory of a lost loved one, it’s the burning bush, it’s the Holy Spirit, it’s the very heart of Jesus.

Night will be no more, nor will they need light from lamp or sun, for the Lord God shall give them light, and they shall reign forever and ever. Revelations 22:5

Before I even joined my new friends that night for dinner, I hesitated. I was afraid of getting burned again by past friendships that still troubled me. I had helped light the candle, but still I was afraid to let go of the lantern out of lack of trust in the people around me. I couldn't bring myself to trust the words of encouragement coming from my friends. Letting go of that lantern I finally allowed myself to open up to the gift of friendship God blessed me with. The following night at dinner another friend from the group reminded me that "this is the way it should be...God knew this was the right time"

I close with a quote from my sister less than a month previous to the lighting of the paper lanterns. 

"Accept that things are starting to change and turn around. A lot of things in your life are starting to fall into place. Believe it and it should feel nice. Be happy about it. Be humble and trust God. (He probably will not tease you.)"