Learning to Listen

Growing up we all have that "momma always says" phrase. It's different for everyone but it's the words of wisdom that we never forget from our moms. For me, my momma always says, "you can't tell someone to love God until you love them first". The power of that phrase is that we should not have to try so hard to convert others. God is so wonderful and so powerful that his love speaks to everyone of every background. We don't have to try so hard because ultimately His truth prevails.

Sometimes, even as Christians we sometimes find ourselves just as stubborn as those we are hoping to convert. I myself am guilty of this. Last night I was having a good discussion with other Catholic friends of mine. I found myself a little less conservative than the rest of everyone in the group and it was an opinion I was not going to budge on. I was not open to hearing the opinion of my friends. I simply wanted them to see things the way I did because in my mind they were the ones who were close minded. I let them speak just trying to do the right thing and, by the grace of God, my ears were opened. I learned a lot last night and I'm the better for it. I saw this quote this morning and loved it:

Ok that sounds great, except I ultimately did accept the thought in that conversation so how does that quote mean anything to me? What I learned is that most of the time I am so unwilling to accept another thought that I never "entertain the thought" as Aristotle puts it. How does one entertain a thought while staying true to their beliefs? As humans we are on this quest for truth. Even when we find the truth we should always be looking for a deeper understanding of that truth. We entertain the thought because our need for truth should and does call us to hear any opportunity to learn about truth from one another. The problem is, we become convinced that we have found the truth. We then stop searching for a deeper understanding and become arrogant when others approach us with a different understanding of truth.

Our search for truth is what allows us to dismiss a thought while still taking the time to understand the viewpoint. We are all guilty of this at some point in time whether we admit it or not. Learning to listen can be the hardest thing at times. When we do listen with open minds, ears, and heart, we discover a power we never thought we had.

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” 

― George Bernard Shaw

His Word

Most of the time my posts are never planned. I may get an idea in my head and I'll spend the next few hours getting my thoughts out. In a way this has become an outlet for my brain. Today I just feel I need to write having no idea what my topic even is as of now. Here goes nothing.

So give me Words to speak
Don't let my Spirit sleep 
Every night, every day 
I find that I have nothing left to say 
So I stand here in silence
awaiting Your guidance 
I'm wanting only Your voice to be heard 
Let them be Your Words 

 -Aaron Shust: Give Me Words to Speak

The other day I was driving from my home town to Texas A&M for my New Student Conference. I was driving and along my route I got lost. There were two places that I know for a fact I had been which were: the spot I last remembered being before I got lost (lets call it point A) and the furthest I ended up going in the wrong direction (and this one point B). I know how I got from point A to point B based on landmarks along the road.

The driving time between point A and point B, according to multiple mapping websites, was about 30 minutes. So one hour total to get from point A to point B and back. The strange thing was I was delayed less than 20 minutes total. In addition, I never once went above the posted speed limit.

Now let me back up to the 60 seconds leading up to the point I got lost. There were many confusing exits I had to take and drivers were insane. I almost had a full blown panic attack because I was so scared. The last thing I remember of cars driving dangerously was the moment when two cars came into my lane from either side in front of me almost crashing into one another. At this point I freaked out and just began loudly praying, "Jesus, Mary, Joseph. Jesus HELP ME!"

This is sort of how I felt:

It took me 10 minutes to realize I had gotten lost and I was already at point B. As I was driving back to point A (which should have been 30 minutes but only took 5) I was listening to the Houston Christian radio, KSBJ. A woman called in on the radio saying she had seen a terrible accident at point A and to pray for the people there. I couldn't believe my ears, I thought I had heard the location wrong. Sure enough, as I approached point A, it was bumper to bumper due to the accident.

So cool story but why is it worth sharing? Because the end of the Bible does not mean there is an end to His word.

It is this disciple who testifies to these things and has written them, and we know that his testimony is true. There are also many other things that Jesus did, but if these were to be described individually, I do not think the whole world would contain the books that would be written.John 21:24-25

Speed Limit 65

Today I made my way home for the summer after a year of hard work at school. As I was driving home for the first leg of the trip I found myself following the general rule when it comes to driving on the highway. "Don't be the fastest, don't be the slowest, and go with the flow of traffic". Then it dawned on me, a speed limit is more that just a suggestion it's the law. At which point I slowed down so that I could be sure I did not even slightly go over the speed limit.

Once I did this I began to notice the behaviors of other cars around me, while also becoming more aware of my own driving. I came to the conclusion that you have 3 types of drivers: the grandma slow types, the "popular kids" or peer pressure type, and the carefree maniac type.

I noticed that before when I would be going over I was constantly having to check the speedometer to make sure I wasn't going TOO far over the speed limit because if I was going SUPER fast then I would get pulled over. I was trying to get away with as much as I could without getting a ticket. However, when I slowed down I seemed to instinctively know where the limit was without having to watch the speedometer.

When I did slow down many cars began to pass me. At first I felt as if I was being rude by slowing other drivers down and not going at the speed as the rest of them. Some cars would get inches behind me on my tail trying to get me to go faster. If I was close to 5 mph under I would speed up right to the speed limit but I never went any faster. No matter how fast I went the ones tailing me were never satisfied. Even if I was going over they would still be on my tail trying to get me to go faster. I eventually just had to ignore anyone who was tailing me until they passed me. There were also some drivers that were going so fast and going in between cars recklessly that I just had to avoid these cars all together even if it meant slowing down a lot. With cars like that I was just trying to not get hurt. This is kind of what I felt whenever I encountered those specific drivers:

(notice how tense the man his, his tight grip on the wheel, the stress on his face,

and how calmly Jesus is guiding him while letting the man do the driving)

All of this got me thinking about how much we push the limits with our actions. Some of us just speed past everyone without caring if we get a ticket or not. Some of us will go slightly over the limit but not too much in order to avoid any "real" punishment. Lastly, there are those who seem to be an old grandma, sticking to old rules and customs that don't "fit" with today's times.

What we forget is that those limits are there for a reason. Limits are there to protect us. The government's job is to set these limits to protect us from harm. Things like speed limits, stop signs, health codes, etc. are all there for our benefit. For that reason, even though there are some laws that are unjust, God still calls us to respect government authority.

Obedience in Authority.Let every person be subordinate to the higher authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been established by God. Therefore, whoever resists authority opposes what God has appointed, and those who oppose it will bring judgment upon themselves. Romans 13:1-2

Obviously things like limits on religious freedom are unjust but that is another topic for another time. My point here is that, whether we like it or not, we should obey the law even with something as simple as a speed limit. This is to be extended to more than just limits from the government but also limits given to us from the Authority above. God loves and cares about us and he does not want to see us hurt. I mean seriously why shouldn't we obey both God and the law?

That being said, I can proudly say that, though a car that I parked has been hit a couple of times, I have never gotten a ticket or been in an accident and I have God and speed limits to thank for that.

On a more personal and final note:

Last April my home parish dedicated a new church. It was sort of strange with it opening just before I left for college because it no longer felt like home. One day in the chapel during my last adoration before I left for school I remembered God telling me that I needed to leave for a while and then later down the road I would come back and share what I had learned with my hometown. At the time I assumed that God meant maybe 10-20 I would come back as a youth minister. I was really nervous about coming home afraid I would give in to many temptations and slack off on my Catholic faith. Most of this semester in college the weather was cloudy, rainy, and cold. However, as I made my way home the clouds were overcast and somewhat dark but the direction where I was headed, though it was cloudy, it was as bright as the sun. Clearly God was saying that what was awaiting me was something beautiful. As I crossed the city limits into my hometown I could hear one voice coming from my father up above, "Welcome Home".

Wedding By A Glassy Sea

So lately I've found myself praying a lot about this call to love that we all have. There are so many amazing ways I could tell you about all of what I have come to discover but I think first I should back up and give you a little background of how I came to understand love the way that I do now.

This past summer at a Steubenville Conference during adoration I  remember at one point picturing myself standing on a beach and at a distance Jesus was facing the land looking upon all of his creation and he held his hand out for me. The problem was, when I tried to step forward there was this glass barrier in front of me. For the longest time that night I fought with that barrier but eventually Jesus appeared next to me on my side of the glass (so now there were two Jesuses one at a distance and one next to me) who also held out his hand for me. I was hesitant to take his hand but eventually I did and I do not remember much else after that, just the inner peace that filled my heart. It occurred to me then that, even though we place these barriers between us and God, he still loves us and will do everything he can to ensure that he is there for us.

Now fast forward to this past Sunday. No big revelation of any sort just an inspiring homily. The visiting priest spoke to us college students facing finals. He said that Jesus made it easy. Jesus told us there will be one question on our final in life. When we come to the end he will simply ask us, "How well have you loved?" That's it, Jesus made it easy.

This may not make much sense but I promise it all connects in the end!

Now fast forward to last night at a praise and worship event that I helped lead. Most of what I do to help out is the set up and clean up so during the night I was able to enjoy the praise and worship as a participant. I was in wonderful meditation last night when again I pictured myself on that same beach as before when I was at Steubenville. This time I was on the other side of the glass but I was still holding on to the glass, trying to reach for Jesus but refusing to let go of the glass. When I would reach my hand would be within 6 in of Jesus' hand which frustrated me. I tried to let go of this glass but I couldn't. To me the glass was stable, it was secure and I knew the physical properties of the glass. With the glass I knew what to expect but if I let go so that I could take the hand of Jesus then I would not know what to expect.

-I can imagine this is what might have gone through the mind of Peter when Jesus walked on water.-

Then out of nowhere I remembered seeing someone at my feet who needed my help and I bent down to help them. Then there was another person a few steps away who needed my help when I finished with the first person. This continued to happen till eventually at the end of the line of helping people I found myself at the feet of Jesus. He asked me, "How well have you loved?" I looked back and saw all the people that I had loved on my journey to Jesus. Only then did I notice that I had let go of the glassy wall.

Now what would one of my posts be without a super cheesy analogy?

Very few people will probably know what I am talking about but when I was younger I loved watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch with Melissa Joan Hart. In the series there is an eppisode when Sabrina is being tested to find out if she or her twin is the evil twin. During one of the questions the proctor asks, "what is your career objective?". The twin answers beautifully saying that she wanted to be a vet and help animals. When Sabrina is asked the question she gets distracted by a random dog that appears and because she plays with dog she missed the question and answers, yellow.

This is sort of what happened to me. I wanted to love Jesus so much but I was focusing on what I needed to change. In reality though I did not need to change I just needed to love. That was it.

Another thing this reminds me of is Grey's Anatomy (maybe this one will make more sense, since I assume more would be familiar with this). There is an episode where all of the residents are bickering. In order to stop the bickering (and to establish dominance in the group, though that is besides the point), the attendings give them a patient with many complications. As the person is open on the table the doctors just stand there arguing until one doctor out of nowhere just starts operating without even thinking and is able to save the patient. This doctor in the more recent season (spoiler alert if you haven't seen this season) ends up becoming the head of the hospital board. (He becomes head because his well known mother essentially buys him the job. HEY LOOK! That advocacy thing I mentioned before!)

So what is the point of all of this? We can't fight to be with Jesus, we can't earn it, we can't even try to be the best person ever. All we must do is find ways to love. I want to close with the lyrics of the song, Holy Wedding Day by The City Harmonic, that was played last night. Just the pure irony put a big smile on my face.

This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
But it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea
O death where is your sting
Cause I'll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord 

This is the story of a bride in white
Waiting on her wedding day
Anticipation welling up inside
While the groom is crowned as king
O death where is your sting
Cause we'll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord 

....... 

This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
And it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea

This is the story of the a bride in white
Singing on her wedding day
Of the God who was and is to stand before a bride who sings
Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty

Claritin Clear

Every 2-3 years or so a commercial comes out that everyone seems to have memorized within a matter of weeks because of how simple, annoying, and repetitive it is. In 5th grade that commercial was the Claritin allergy commercial. If you don't know or don't remember what commercial I am referring to then maybe this will ring a bell. Every Claritin clear commercial used to end with someone unfocused on the screen and they'd say "There's clear" (then the remove the foggy screen) "Then there's Claritin clear". I like to think of Claritin when I think of Easter. Why? Because Easter Sunday is the moment of clarity.

If you ever watch Passion of the Christ there is a moment when the camera is zooming out on Mary's face as she is holding Jesus once he has been taken down from the cross. In this image of her you can see, not lack of trust but, confusion. Her face speaks the scrambled thoughts in her head, "I'm confused... God you told the world what my son would do... how could this be your plan for that? He's dead, that's the end. Lord I trust that you will save us but death is permanent  this can't be the end though, you will has not yet be completed. I don't understand your plan Lord."

3 days later Jesus rose. 

I love how when Jesus does appear to everyone on Easter Sunday how when the people finally put the pieces together they are like "oh....duh" and I can imagine Jesus reacts to their dumbfounded faces with a reaction like this:

Back to my point though. When we look back at scripture it seems so obvious what Jesus came here to do but in reality even Peter couldn't figure it out. You know, Peter, our first pope, Jesus gave him the keys to the kingdom, that guy. We wonder how they could not figure it out but when we look at society, should we really be that surprised? All over the world there is tragedy because we humans do not "get it". If death were the end then there would be no reason to have hope or to continue on after disasters. But that's the thing! Death is not the end! Jesus came. Jesus died. That should have been the end, that was what everyone mocked Jesus about as he was carrying the cross. They made fun saying that if he was the son of God then he would not die because God exists forever.

At that point in time that was all anyone knew, death was the end. Jesus would save everyone by destroying death. A better way to put it though might be to say that instead Jesus showed us that death was not the end. The reason death is not the end is because Jesus gave his life for us. He could have died and saved us but we would never know. Jesus in all of his love and mercy though came back to Earth to show us that it was never the end. Jesus by his resurrection gave us clarity.

We celebrate this mystery every year at Easter. Many who are not Catholic I find are intreguied by the season of Lent that is so prevelant in the Catholic church. They have every reason to, it is a time of fasting, almsgiving, we celebrate the last supper, the death of Jesus, etc. However, sometimes what often gets forgotten is the fact that we spend 50 days celebrating Easter.

Lent=40 days. Easter=50 days!

We celebrate 50 days of Easter because it is that moment of clarity after all of our fasting, sacrifice, and almsgiving during Lent. Easter is that time when celebrate that moment when we finally understood why we suffered, why we are here, and see that God really did have a plan for everything all along. That is something worth celebrating.

*minor correction (Blessed Pope John Paul II)*

Paper Lanterns

Did you know that if you spin in a circle really fast when it's dark outside and someone shines a light in your eyes you will immediately fall to the ground? No one knows exactly why this is but I can't help but think that maybe the brain is overwhelmed by the brightness of the light that it brings us to our knees.

God saw how good the light was. God then separated the light from the darkness. Genesis 1:4

Last Friday I went to dinner with some new friends of mine. After dinner some of the girls in our group wanted to go light some paper lanterns they had bought. Intrigued, the entire group decided to go along for the ride. So here I found myself in an empty field, in the middle of the night, with people that I barely knew, lighting things on fire. The introvert side of me was NOT happy.

So as a group we lit the first lantern but as the hot air filled the lantern it was apparent that the wind might cause a problem. If you have never lit a paper lantern before, it is important that the lantern to floats upward into the sky. My friends, James and Zach, and myself (the intelligent ones of the group) began to logically inform the group of why this was a bad idea. We saw that the wind could possibly blow the lantern sideways, and if the lantern hit the ground too soon, it could potentially start a dangerous fire. After much pleading, the others listened to us and the debate about the lanterns was over (or so we thought).

After a minute or so we notice that those who thought the lantern was a good idea have quietly gone to the other side of the field, making a second attempt to light another paper lantern. The lantern fills with hot air and rises into the sky. James, Zach, and I stand back fearing the worst possible outcome as the paper lantern just misses the power lines. The 3 of us stood back to watch   the lantern float up into the sky. My knees became weak and I struggled just to keep from falling to the ground. When the lantern finally dies out the group comes back to us with one last lantern to light. This time all of us light the lantern and we each hold onto an edge. The lantern fills with hot air and nervously I am the last to let go of the lantern. 

As the lantern floated into the dark sky I was overwhelmed with peace because I was no longer focused on blowing out the light God gave to me at my very Baptism. Instead, I was looking at how bright the flame was in the midst of the dark night.

Fire is a scary thing. Fire spreads fast in a wildfire. Fire can burn us, destroy homes, and at times fire can even kill. There is a reason why Hell is described as a burning pit. 

At the same time there is this other type of fire, one that provides light. This fire of light is our baptismal candle, it’s the lit candle in memory of a lost loved one, it’s the burning bush, it’s the Holy Spirit, it’s the very heart of Jesus.

Night will be no more, nor will they need light from lamp or sun, for the Lord God shall give them light, and they shall reign forever and ever. Revelations 22:5

Before I even joined my new friends that night for dinner, I hesitated. I was afraid of getting burned again by past friendships that still troubled me. I had helped light the candle, but still I was afraid to let go of the lantern out of lack of trust in the people around me. I couldn't bring myself to trust the words of encouragement coming from my friends. Letting go of that lantern I finally allowed myself to open up to the gift of friendship God blessed me with. The following night at dinner another friend from the group reminded me that "this is the way it should be...God knew this was the right time"

I close with a quote from my sister less than a month previous to the lighting of the paper lanterns. 

"Accept that things are starting to change and turn around. A lot of things in your life are starting to fall into place. Believe it and it should feel nice. Be happy about it. Be humble and trust God. (He probably will not tease you.)"