Learning to Listen

Growing up we all have that "momma always says" phrase. It's different for everyone but it's the words of wisdom that we never forget from our moms. For me, my momma always says, "you can't tell someone to love God until you love them first". The power of that phrase is that we should not have to try so hard to convert others. God is so wonderful and so powerful that his love speaks to everyone of every background. We don't have to try so hard because ultimately His truth prevails.

Sometimes, even as Christians we sometimes find ourselves just as stubborn as those we are hoping to convert. I myself am guilty of this. Last night I was having a good discussion with other Catholic friends of mine. I found myself a little less conservative than the rest of everyone in the group and it was an opinion I was not going to budge on. I was not open to hearing the opinion of my friends. I simply wanted them to see things the way I did because in my mind they were the ones who were close minded. I let them speak just trying to do the right thing and, by the grace of God, my ears were opened. I learned a lot last night and I'm the better for it. I saw this quote this morning and loved it:

Ok that sounds great, except I ultimately did accept the thought in that conversation so how does that quote mean anything to me? What I learned is that most of the time I am so unwilling to accept another thought that I never "entertain the thought" as Aristotle puts it. How does one entertain a thought while staying true to their beliefs? As humans we are on this quest for truth. Even when we find the truth we should always be looking for a deeper understanding of that truth. We entertain the thought because our need for truth should and does call us to hear any opportunity to learn about truth from one another. The problem is, we become convinced that we have found the truth. We then stop searching for a deeper understanding and become arrogant when others approach us with a different understanding of truth.

Our search for truth is what allows us to dismiss a thought while still taking the time to understand the viewpoint. We are all guilty of this at some point in time whether we admit it or not. Learning to listen can be the hardest thing at times. When we do listen with open minds, ears, and heart, we discover a power we never thought we had.

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” 

― George Bernard Shaw

His Word

Most of the time my posts are never planned. I may get an idea in my head and I'll spend the next few hours getting my thoughts out. In a way this has become an outlet for my brain. Today I just feel I need to write having no idea what my topic even is as of now. Here goes nothing.

So give me Words to speak
Don't let my Spirit sleep 
Every night, every day 
I find that I have nothing left to say 
So I stand here in silence
awaiting Your guidance 
I'm wanting only Your voice to be heard 
Let them be Your Words 

 -Aaron Shust: Give Me Words to Speak

The other day I was driving from my home town to Texas A&M for my New Student Conference. I was driving and along my route I got lost. There were two places that I know for a fact I had been which were: the spot I last remembered being before I got lost (lets call it point A) and the furthest I ended up going in the wrong direction (and this one point B). I know how I got from point A to point B based on landmarks along the road.

The driving time between point A and point B, according to multiple mapping websites, was about 30 minutes. So one hour total to get from point A to point B and back. The strange thing was I was delayed less than 20 minutes total. In addition, I never once went above the posted speed limit.

Now let me back up to the 60 seconds leading up to the point I got lost. There were many confusing exits I had to take and drivers were insane. I almost had a full blown panic attack because I was so scared. The last thing I remember of cars driving dangerously was the moment when two cars came into my lane from either side in front of me almost crashing into one another. At this point I freaked out and just began loudly praying, "Jesus, Mary, Joseph. Jesus HELP ME!"

This is sort of how I felt:

It took me 10 minutes to realize I had gotten lost and I was already at point B. As I was driving back to point A (which should have been 30 minutes but only took 5) I was listening to the Houston Christian radio, KSBJ. A woman called in on the radio saying she had seen a terrible accident at point A and to pray for the people there. I couldn't believe my ears, I thought I had heard the location wrong. Sure enough, as I approached point A, it was bumper to bumper due to the accident.

So cool story but why is it worth sharing? Because the end of the Bible does not mean there is an end to His word.

It is this disciple who testifies to these things and has written them, and we know that his testimony is true. There are also many other things that Jesus did, but if these were to be described individually, I do not think the whole world would contain the books that would be written.John 21:24-25

Priests: Surgeons of the Soul

Many times, when talking with friends who are not of the Catholic faith, the question of why priests are needed pops up in conversation. I used to have difficulty defending myself of that one but not because I didn't believe it myself. I had difficulty because I could see why many protestants didn't see the necessity of it. I knew that we believe in apostolic succession and I believed it myself so that was not the issue. The defense I often got was that because Jesus came he allowed us to speak directly to God instead of needing a priest to be the  intercessor.

Their answer made sense to me. Jesus became the intercessor. Now if you are a Catholic reading this you may be thinking, "how could you not understand?". I trusted the church in it's entirety. My belief was not what lacked. What lacked was my knowledge of how to defend what I believed.

For a long time I thought that if I read more, studied more, I would have the answer. That I must say is true, but the understanding came when, through reading scripture, I saw the parallel in my own life.

Before I continue I want to say that this is not about my beliefs in the health care system or anything of that sort, this is just the best way I can explain the necessity of priests.

Many argue that healthcare is something that should be free to all. As Americans we have some of the best healthcare in the world but it does come at a price but for good reason. Take a moment to think about what a surgeon does. The job of a surgeon is to cut into your body while you are asleep to do things to your internal organs in order to make you better. That surgeon has the power to kill or save you. Would you trust an average person off the street to cut you open and stick their hands inside your body? Of course not because you want the person who is highly qualified to do that.

Doctors take the time to spend years learning about the human body and how it works. When we pay for things like good health care we should not have an attitude of "here I need to be fixed, how horrible of you to make me pay so that I don't die". Instead what we are really saying is, "I could die, I want the best chance of living, please help me, I'll do whatever it takes".

Doctors in America are so good because they learn the most. First they get an undergraduate degree, then they go to medical school which takes years, then an internship, and then residency, before finally becoming an attending. (I could be wrong on that but the point is that it takes a long time) We don't pay doctors to do a job, we pay them to keep us alive. THAT is a HUGE responsibility. The people that take the time to go through that education and the demands of the job sacrifice a lot. When a doctor gets a call from work to come in at a moments notice they can't say no because it really is life or death. The families are also affected largely by the little time they see them.

So often we see the role of a priests as just a person who is in charge of a church. Though that is true in a lot of ways, the first and foremost job of a priest is to be a healer. We are not trusting a priest with death or life. We are trusting a priest with something so much more than that, Heaven or Hell, eternal happiness or eternal pain.

Now I speak to those who do not believe in the necessity of the priesthood.
Who is the one who administers baptism which frees you from original sin?
Who is the person you share your sins with so that they may be forgiven?

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The fervent prayer of a righteous person is very powerful. James 6:16 

What are their qualifications?

I was reading the daily mass readings for today (Monday May 20th 2013) and there was something that struck me.

When he entered the house, his disciples asked him in private, “Why could we not drive it out?” He said to them, “This kind can only come out through prayer.” Mark 9:28-29

Jesus has just driven a demon out of a boy. What struck me is that, when the disciples question how Jesus did it, Jesus says because it took prayer. Jesus does not say, "only I the savior can do it". Jesus in a nutshell says, "you have to pray more". Jesus is basically saying that in order to heal the soul, one must be more in tune with God than doctor is in tune with the human body. When it comes to Heaven or Hell, eternal happiness or eternal pain, you better believe I'd rather have the guy who has given up his entire life to pray.

To every priest, deacon, brother, sister, and lay person: 

THANK YOU for your countless hours of studying, prayer, and service.

Comfort Which Comes From Discomfort

I was reflecting on the daily readings from yesterday, Thursday May 16th, and something that really stuck out to me was the end of the first reading in Acts. The Lord comes to visit Paul to tell him that that he is to travel to Rome to preach the word of God. What stuck out to me was that just before Paul had done nothing but cause chaos in Jerusalem  You might say he caused trouble and God ordered him to leave. However, it seems to me that Paul did exactly what God wanted. Paul has spoken directly to them calling them out for their misdeeds. We all have those moments when someone points out our negative behavior. As much as we want to deny it, we know it is true and this makes us very uncomfortable. We react by either changing our ways or we avoid admitting it so we argue. This is what Paul has done, he has made the people uncomfortable.

There are times when I have gone to some churches and it seems that everyone is happy as if evil does not even exist. I find that this bothers me more than it comforts me, why? Part of me, as the daughter of a physics teacher, so the law that for every action this is an equal and opposite reaction applies to every aspect in life for me. People that are always happy bother me because I find myself confused because LIFE. It ain't easy, and we all know it. Everyone has their cross to carry.

The truth is that life isn't easy. Sin draws us to things like pre-marital sex, money, drugs, or alcohol. People do these things consciously because it seems cool. Subconsciously we do these things to try to fulfill  needs but in the improper way or we use them as a means of numbing the pain which we all endure. Over time we become tolerant of the pain and we forget that it is even there. It takes someone like Paul to speak up in order to make us feel uncomfortable so that we may see the light. This post is not about the pro-life debate, that is another topic for another day, but I would like to share with you a more modern example of how we all called to bring discomfort to the world through God. This is the video of a woman who survived an abortion and how her birth created discomfort. If you do not have the time to watch the entire 10 minute video, just watch the 35 second clip from 1:35-2:10.

Now I don't mean to say that peace does not exist. Many saints and people today find their peace through their suffering  We all suffer no matter what because it is a fact of life and many of us feel alone in our suffering. My question though is why? If you have even the slightest inkling that God exists, why would you not ask him for his help? The difference between those who suffer and those who suffer yet still have peace, is not that they are stronger than us but rather, they are suffering for and with God. When you suffer for and with God you no longer have to do it alone because his loving child has freely offered his life in order to help you.

Speed Limit 65

Today I made my way home for the summer after a year of hard work at school. As I was driving home for the first leg of the trip I found myself following the general rule when it comes to driving on the highway. "Don't be the fastest, don't be the slowest, and go with the flow of traffic". Then it dawned on me, a speed limit is more that just a suggestion it's the law. At which point I slowed down so that I could be sure I did not even slightly go over the speed limit.

Once I did this I began to notice the behaviors of other cars around me, while also becoming more aware of my own driving. I came to the conclusion that you have 3 types of drivers: the grandma slow types, the "popular kids" or peer pressure type, and the carefree maniac type.

I noticed that before when I would be going over I was constantly having to check the speedometer to make sure I wasn't going TOO far over the speed limit because if I was going SUPER fast then I would get pulled over. I was trying to get away with as much as I could without getting a ticket. However, when I slowed down I seemed to instinctively know where the limit was without having to watch the speedometer.

When I did slow down many cars began to pass me. At first I felt as if I was being rude by slowing other drivers down and not going at the speed as the rest of them. Some cars would get inches behind me on my tail trying to get me to go faster. If I was close to 5 mph under I would speed up right to the speed limit but I never went any faster. No matter how fast I went the ones tailing me were never satisfied. Even if I was going over they would still be on my tail trying to get me to go faster. I eventually just had to ignore anyone who was tailing me until they passed me. There were also some drivers that were going so fast and going in between cars recklessly that I just had to avoid these cars all together even if it meant slowing down a lot. With cars like that I was just trying to not get hurt. This is kind of what I felt whenever I encountered those specific drivers:

(notice how tense the man his, his tight grip on the wheel, the stress on his face,

and how calmly Jesus is guiding him while letting the man do the driving)

All of this got me thinking about how much we push the limits with our actions. Some of us just speed past everyone without caring if we get a ticket or not. Some of us will go slightly over the limit but not too much in order to avoid any "real" punishment. Lastly, there are those who seem to be an old grandma, sticking to old rules and customs that don't "fit" with today's times.

What we forget is that those limits are there for a reason. Limits are there to protect us. The government's job is to set these limits to protect us from harm. Things like speed limits, stop signs, health codes, etc. are all there for our benefit. For that reason, even though there are some laws that are unjust, God still calls us to respect government authority.

Obedience in Authority.Let every person be subordinate to the higher authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been established by God. Therefore, whoever resists authority opposes what God has appointed, and those who oppose it will bring judgment upon themselves. Romans 13:1-2

Obviously things like limits on religious freedom are unjust but that is another topic for another time. My point here is that, whether we like it or not, we should obey the law even with something as simple as a speed limit. This is to be extended to more than just limits from the government but also limits given to us from the Authority above. God loves and cares about us and he does not want to see us hurt. I mean seriously why shouldn't we obey both God and the law?

That being said, I can proudly say that, though a car that I parked has been hit a couple of times, I have never gotten a ticket or been in an accident and I have God and speed limits to thank for that.

On a more personal and final note:

Last April my home parish dedicated a new church. It was sort of strange with it opening just before I left for college because it no longer felt like home. One day in the chapel during my last adoration before I left for school I remembered God telling me that I needed to leave for a while and then later down the road I would come back and share what I had learned with my hometown. At the time I assumed that God meant maybe 10-20 I would come back as a youth minister. I was really nervous about coming home afraid I would give in to many temptations and slack off on my Catholic faith. Most of this semester in college the weather was cloudy, rainy, and cold. However, as I made my way home the clouds were overcast and somewhat dark but the direction where I was headed, though it was cloudy, it was as bright as the sun. Clearly God was saying that what was awaiting me was something beautiful. As I crossed the city limits into my hometown I could hear one voice coming from my father up above, "Welcome Home".

The "Catholic Bubble"

During my sophomore year of high school at colorguard practice (artistic form of ROTC) one night, I tossed my rifle up in the air for a double flat toss (a double flat toss is when the rifle spins around twice in a helicopter like fashion) but when I caught it my left hand missed and the rifle hit me in the face right at my left eyebrow. It felt like I had walked into a door, there was obvious pain but after a second I knew I would be able to shake it off. However, my coach immediately yelled for everyone to stop and urgently waved me to the sideline. It was then that I noticed my hand was wet with the blood dripping from where I had been hit. I went to an urgent care facility where they gave me 10 stitches.

The doctors told me I could practice the next day but for the first 24 hours it could not be to the extent of sweating which could possibly infect the wound. I went back the next day and my friends showed me where they had washed the blood off of my rifle. The problem was I knew what toss had hit me in the head and the blood was in the wrong place. It was a month before I finally figured out that I had twisted my rifle just slightly during the part before so the rifle was flipped the wrong way when I tossed it. That little mistake led to me miscalculating where to place my hands and therefore lead to me getting hit in the face.

Anyways, after the first 24 hours I went back to practice like normal but naturally when it came to that toss I would choose not to throw the toss out of fear. Slowly I worked my way up to tossing a single flat toss and I did that for a couple weeks. It wasn't until I had figured out the mistake I had made before I finally worked up the nerves to throwing the toss again. To this day I still flinch every time I see someone throw the toss.

Now there is a point to this. Many of us Catholics I feel sometimes have a tendency to live in a "Catholic bubble", I too am guilty of this. By "Catholic bubble" I mean that we have become so focused on our faith that we surround ourselves constantly with other Catholics. This is not a bad thing, in fact it is a wonderful thing to be around such wonderful people all the time. The problem with the "Catholic bubble" sometimes is that there is a certain level of spiritual fitness that we can never reach if we never leave the bubble. In the "Catholic bubble" life is easy, right and wrong are clear, temptation is little to none, and everyone around you supports and agrees with you.

"A lot of people view faith in God as something that binds you, places outdated rules on you, and most certainly isn’t worth all the hassle. The reality is the opposite: we’re made free in surrendering our lives to God – free from sin, from chains of addiction, from baggage, etc." Aaron Hostetter

It is much easier to be a good Catholic when you are surrounded by other Catholics than those who are not.

An example of this done beautifully is the life of Saint Vitalis of Gaza. Saint Vitalis was a monk who spent his days working as a day laborer. Every night Saint Vitalis would hire a prostitute for the night. Instead of having them "work" he instead would ask them to spend the one night free of sin in turn he would often pray with the women and bring them the gospel with his words and his actions. This man lived a life of holiness and chastity despite the fact that he was surrounded by such an immense amount of sin and temptation. After his death, many converted prostitutes came out of hiding processing with candles and lanterns as his body was taken to the grave.

It is the ultimate goal to have the strength to do what is hard without getting injured, or if you will, the lantern on a hill to the rest of the world. This is also similar to a gymnast who perfects technique before attempting a difficult stunt. The "Catholic bubble" can be extremely beneficial because you can avoid injury but, at the same time, I feel as though we ought to strive for more. I have a few specific friends that I can say are some of the most devout Catholics I know although many would never know it because of who they spend their time with. These friends of mine have many friends who make poor decisions but by living a wonderful Catholic life in a non-Catholic environment they have been able to bring the word of God to those who otherwise would never hear the name of Jesus. The lives that these friends live is so beautiful because they are strong enough in their faith that they are able to go into the darkest places without injuring themselves.

I would like to close with a quote:

"Judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the heart." - Saint Vitalis

God of a Colorful People

So I woke up today and I was going to put up some nice elegant post of some sort but something in me just said that I needed to share this reflection I had written 2 years ago while in physics class when we were taking notes on light. I have made a few modifications since the original version simply to make it more theologically accurate because at the time I lacked in knowledge that I now have. Still the message stays the same.

In science we are taught that black is not a color, it is just the absence of light. God tells us that he is in the light. In Genesis it says how before God created light there was nothing it was darkness, does this mean before light there was no God? but yet in order to have black darkness (the absence of light) there had to be light in order for there to be the absence of light.

Before Jesus, was hell not hurtful but just black darkness? When Jesus went to hell to save us did he bring light in that moment creating fire? This fire being not absence but ultimate desire to be with him? After all God describes his heart as burning with desire to love us and for us to love him. Is this not like a desperate girl after a break up? She wants the guy so much that it hurts her and after a while she forgets why shes hurting, she just hurts with the desire to be with him but she has forgotten it is him that she wants and desires.

Did God not exist before the light? or did he exist but not yet been revealed until the love and desire for human life was created? Could that be what created light? Does light consists of two parts? God's love for us and the essence of what we are as humans, could it be that when the God's love and God's desire for human life were brought together they create a big explosion and in return we were created? and when we were created a white pure light was made, thus revealing God to us? Is God not light without the essence of human life?

Therefore, if God is light then one must think we must have been created to absorb the light. White light is pure it's made up of all light but we as humans are colorful beings, we absorb light and what we reflect off of us is what we don't absorb, what we don't absorb keeps us from being white perfect light, what we don't absorb is reflected and goes to waste. So by being colorful as humans we are showing our imperfection, were not absorbing all the light, all the colors.

What colors we reflect are the colors we don't absorb and when we become blackness and go into the dark we would be refusing to absorb, refusing to absorb the great white and pure light that is our God.