What My Dad Taught Me About Santa And God

Wow has it already been almost 6 months since my last post?! What a semester it has been! Due to the constant requests that I start blogging more I have decided to start blogging once again for personal interests. Due to the little time I have to write in the midsts of finals I'll make this one short and share with you a story from when I was young.

One Christmas many years ago when I was about five years old, give or take two years, I wanted a puzzle (I believe it was a Barney puzzle but it might have been Tigger). When I begged my parents for this puzzle they told me to ask Santa. For weeks I couldn't wait for them to take me to the mall to sit on Santa's lap and ask for this puzzle. However, when we finally made it to the mall and I finally got on Santa's lap I forgot about the puzzle. Afterwards I remember being upset and asking my parents to take me back so I could tell Santa but I had missed my chance. I was devastated.

Christmas morning when I went into the living room toys from Santa filled the space. In front of all the toys displayed...there it was....my puzzle! I remember asking my dad to take of the plastic so I could play with it. As he did he said the words that I have never forgotten, "You didn't even ask Santa for the puzzle but he brought you one!" To me it was a Christmas miracle.

Why do I bother telling you this story? Think about it. I knew what I wanted from Santa, but because I was in awe of him when I finally spent time with Santa it slipped my mind. Santa however still brought me the one toy I wanted most. Our parents are intended to be the first example in our lives for the love of God. My parents, and in this case my dad, were a wonderful example for how God will answer prayers even when we do not ask. So many times in prayer I think it is all too easy to be ashamed or to forget to bring our deepest desires to God. Somehow though, God still provides. God blesses us, even when we forget to ask him.

As the stress of the end of the year piles on for each of us in our various points of life, let us bring our deepest desires to God in prayer. More importantly let us never forget to thank him for the blessings that he brings us, even if we did not necessarily ask God for that blessing.

On a final lighthearted yet very powerful note (you must not laugh otherwise you will miss the last and best line):

Pep-Rallies

So the other day I was in mass and as usual I got distracted. I found my mind wandering. What was I thinking about? Pep-rallies. When I was in junior high I remember hating pep-rallies. The entire school was forced to attend and the popular kids only drew more attention to themselves. When I got to high school the pep-rallies were no longer required, though I went to a few. During the average pep-rally some kids would get really into it though most students sat there enjoying it but never fully getting excited. At other times we would have pep-rallies for a big championship game at which almost everyone would get excited. It was at these pep-rallies that everyone could feel the students come together as one student body to be an encouragement for each other.

Eventually I realized I was getting distracted and I began to pay attention in mass. However, I couldn't help but think about what God intended to do for us through the mass. I began to think about all the times my parents forced me to go to mass against my will. I thought of how as I got older I grew tolerance for mass. Then I thought of my first mass after my conversion and how I felt when I finally began to participate in mass. It was there in my distractions that I began to see why God created such a thing as mass. Life is hard and it is full of struggles. God doesn't expect us to do it alone so he sent us His son Jesus to fight the battle for us. God gives us the mass as an opportunity to be with Jesus to remind us of the struggles ahead and prepare us for the fight ahead.

Now during my freshman year at Blinn College I had the opportunity to join a friend one night for what Aggies call, Midnight Yell. Midnight Yell is essentially a pep-rally but much more intense because you have all of the student body coming out to Kyle Field the night before any home game. Standing in that crowded stadium that night, feeling totally clueless as to what was going on, I experienced something amazing. Jocks were no longer jocks, freshman were no longer freshman, and every other title a person had disappeared. If you were there, you were an Aggie and that was all that mattered. It was that night that I first knew that I wanted to be an Aggie. I saw a spirit there that was like no other and I wanted it...bad.

Mass, in many ways, is like a pep-rally and Midnight Yell. What makes mass better is that the spirit of God is so much more powerful than any school spirit. I think at times we all forget how connected we all are with the rest of the Catholic church during each and every mass. Without the Holy Spirit to bind us with each other at mass, we having nothing. It is the mass that allows us to be one with the saints, the martyrs, family, and strangers alike. It is this spirit that we take with us on the journey to a high school pep-rally, to Midnight Yell, or wherever it may be that we come together in order to support and encourage of one another.

Phantom of The Opera: The Phantom

I love The Phantom Of The Opera. It is by far one of my favorite musicals. Andrew Lloyd Webber is a genius and the entire idea of it is amazing. There are many people find the plot of it somewhat disturbing. I, on the other hand, could not be more intrigued by the plot.

When Christine's father is dying, her father tells her about how his angel will teach her how to sing. This angel, who turns out to be the phantom, comes to her in her dreams throughout her childhood to be her teacher. Eventually Christine reaches a point where she is the most talented but due to various reasons she is not given the role that she deserves. The Phantom has one goal though and that is to make Christine a star so he steps in and comes to her rescue and even threatens those who try to get in the way of his plans. Christine trusted in the Phantom and he always rewarded her by making her a star in his dwelling place, the opera house.

When Raul, another man, falls in love with Christine the Phantom becomes jealous. This pushes the phantom to reveal his true feelings for Christine by expressing his desire to her his bride. Even though the Phantom has made his existence known Raul still tries to deny the Phantom's existence or power.The Phantom goes as far as to threaten to kill Raul. However, the Phantom can see that Christine loves Raul and she would be devastated if the Phantom were to kill Raul and the Phantom lets Raul go so that Christine may make her own decision. When Christine first falls in love with Raul she maintains her teacher-student relationship with the Phantom. As Christine grows closer to Raul she falls further away from the Phantom. In the last scene the audience sees Raul many years later at Christine's grave. When Raul gets there he notices a rose placed on the grave by the Phantom. In this scene we see that, even though Christine ultimately chose Raul, the Phantom's love for her never died.

So what's the point to all of this? When I look past the sadistic nature of the Phantom I see many similarities between the Phantom and God. I see how my father has sent down his spirit in order that we may be taught. I see how my God rewards those who trust in him. I see how the further away I am from God, the harder it is to continue to accept him as my teacher. I have a God who wants to make me his bride out of his strong love for me. I also know that my God never gives up on me. I know that no matter how many times I deny him, he will always be there loving me and waiting for the day I return to him.

The power of the Phantom is in the choice that he gave to Christine. This is only one point of view but from this point of view Christine chose the wrong guy. The Phantom loved her so much that he did not force Christine to be with him, the good. God loves us so much that he allows us to love him on our own. What good is goodness if someone had forced it upon us without allowing us to discover it on our own? God in many ways is a mystery just as the Phantom is and so much of his beauty comes from the experience of unveiling that mystery.

Playing the Offence

This time of year many of us prepare for travel whether it be on vacation or just simply going home for the summer. In College Station I have been blessed with a wonderful Catholic community at St. Mary's. I have grown more devout in my faith than I could have ever imagined. Having St. Mary's feels like I have been on a retreat all year. As we all know, when we come off of a retreat we have the "Jesus High" and it becomes hard to maintain the spiritual growth once the high is gone. Now we've all heard the classic talk about not letting the high be the end and how to stay on top of it. However, no matter how great the talk is, it is never works the way we wanted it to. This begs the question: why is it so hard?

"In my opinion, there is hardly anything else that the enemy of our soul dreads more than confidence, humble confidence in God.  Confidence in God is the very soul of prayer."Servant of God Solanus Casey 

The answer because we come back knowing the "other side" has beat us before and are probably stronger than us. We go into battle with a strong defensive line, we prepare to keep the enemy from advancing and this works for a while because most enemies don't have the defence to fight our weaker offence. What happens though when we face an enemy with a strong offence? If you haven't figured it out yet I'm building up to one of the most memorable games in Texas A&M History.

Defence is a great skill to have and Alabama was known as the best team in the SEC, for many  reasons but a big reason was, because of their strong defensive line. Their defensive line was great at getting the ball back to the offensive line. No other team could beat them because no offence could stand against Alabama's defence.

Now we look at A&M's Fall 2012 season leading up to that game. Everyone saw that A&M was in fact good enough to compete with SEC teams in "big boy football" and that the strong offense played a major part. Still though, many wondered if A&M's offensive line would still look as good next to the defensive line of Alabama. A&M showed Alabama, and all of college football for that matter, that even the number one ranked team in the nation look weak when faced with a team that could withstand their defensive line.

My point to all of this is that in our spiritual battles it is not good enough just to have a good defence. Instead we need to go into the battle knowing we are strong enough to defeat the enemy. We need to go into battle ready to win. We need to have the confidence that our offence.

“The nature of the enemy's warfare in your life is to cause you to become discouraged and to cast away your confidence. Not that you would necessarily discard your salvation, but you could give up your hope of God's deliverance. The enemy wants to numb you into a coping kind of Christianity that has given up hope of seeing God's resurrection power.” Bob Sorge, Glory: When Heaven Invades Earth 

At the first game of the season for A&M everyone laughed thinking the Aggies would get their butts kicked. Even though A&M did loose that first game, though not by much, A&M from the start was never afraid and many wondered why. Maybe it was the loyalty to their team, maybe it was the excitement of the first game of the season, maybe it was the excitement of the first game in the SEC, or MAYBE it was the fact that A&M placed all their confidence in a certain redshirt freshman quarterback Johnny Manziel who would go on to win the Heisman Trophy. Johnny Manziel, or as us Aggies call him Johnny Football.

The reason we play defence instead of offence is because we have forgotten that we have Jesus on our side. Jesus a man who was the son of a carpenter and conceived out of wedlock. Everything and everyone says that he should fail but he didn't. Jesus, the one destined to fail, WON. He didn't win a Heisman Trophy, he didn't beat the number one ranked football team in America, and many people thought he was crazy. Instead, he did the one thing no man has the power to do. Jesus defeated death. Not only that he sent us the Holy Spirit to be with us wherever we go. For that reason, whether are coming home from college, a retreat, or just trying to hold onto a sense of hope, we should always be confident.

I heard a story the other week (I may have parts of the story wrong so bare with me) about a man present during the collapse of the Aggie Bonfire. Many foul words came out of the mouths of many who were there that night but one man who was hanging from a harness above instinctively said "Jesus, Mary, Joseph!". The next thing he remembered was standing safely on the ground and out of harms way. This is a perfect example of the type of confidence we should have in the man we call Jesus.

Harlem Shake and Jesus

I would like to first start off with a Harlem shake video that was made at Steubenville on the Bayou this past weekend.

Now on a more serious note:

This past weekend I witnessed one of the most incredible things in my life. I was in a room that was dead silent with 3,000 teenagers. On top of that, not one teenager had a phone out to text and no one was getting up to go to the bathroom because they were bored. There was no music playing and every teenager was kneeling. Why? To gaze at a simple piece of bread. 3,000 teenagers completely captivated by a piece of bread.

This past week I went to be apart of Mercy Crew which helps with anything and everything in order to make Steubenville on the Bayou run more smoothly. I had the time of my life. I myself spent most of the weekend working to spotlight for the conference. Like every job it had it is a rose but it still has its thorns. I was able to be apart of almost the entire conference but at the same time I was separated from everyone.

He came to Jericho and intended to pass through the town. Now a man there named Zacchaeus, who was a chief tax collector and also a wealthy man, was seeking to see who Jesus was; but he could not see him because of the crowd, for he was short in stature. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree in order to see Jesus, who was about to pass that way. When he reached the place, Jesus looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down quickly, for today I must stay at your house.” And he came down quickly and received him with joy. When they all saw this, they began to grumble, saying, “He has gone to stay at the house of a sinner.” But Zacchaeus stood there and said to the Lord, “Behold, half of my possessions, Lord, I shall give to the poor, and if I have extorted anything from anyone I shall repay it four times over.”And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house because this man too is a descendant of Abraham. For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save what was lost.”Luke 19:1-10

Here I was up in the tree. I was a spectator, not a participant. I felt disconnected and lonely but God was still with me and I still had purpose. I was separate from everyone yet God used me where I was. In fact I had possibly the most important job of all. My job was to put the spotlight on Jesus, the single most important person in the universe.

What's the point to all of this? I'll tell you. Something cool about the picture of the Eucharist at adoration is that it was in the same place where the penguin had been dancing in the harlem shake video. The Lord grants us the ability to be in his presence through the Eucharist yet so often we blow it off as just a piece of bread. The same goes with anything in our lives. We forget that Jesus is always with us and present in our lives until we meet him in adoration. I did not come to Jesus because I was hanging in a tree. Jesus in his power and love came to the tree and said “Zacchaeus, come down quickly, for today I must stay at your house.” Let us never forget that even when he is absent he is present and he is coming to be with us.

The Harlem Shake may have seemed silly and unnecessary but when Catholics can do something so normal, so cool, it speaks to teens and they become more intrigued by the Catholic church. That simple act may seem like nothing but to a teen it may have been the only thing to open up their hearts to the Catholic church. Even though Jesus wasn't present in the Eucharist during the Harlem Shake, he was still present desperately calling out to us.

Show Me the Love

We spend our entire lives searching for one thing. Love. There are many forms of love such as the love for a spouse, love of science, love of art, love of music, love for a brother or sister, love of sports, etc. In every place where love can be found sin can be found.

Music can be beautiful when it expresses God's love and love for one another while at the same time, in today's culture, music is often the expression of a life of sin. Sports show the beauty in which God has created the human body and we see God's love in our abilities to push the limits. On the other hand, sports drive competition which can lead to pride and jealousy. Science shows the intricate work of the hand of God but science is also used to try and discredit God.

There is a song by Rihanna called We Found Love. If you have never seen the music video DON"T. The music video is one of the most sinful and depressing things I have ever watched in my entire life. However, if you have never seen the cover of the same song done in Africa by Lindsey Stirling WATCH IT. It is the most hopeful beautiful things I have ever seen.

We can't escape sin because it is the sinners who need God the most. For those of you who don't know, the song God of This City was not written by Chris Tomlin. The song was actually written by an Irish band called Bluetree. Bluetree actually wrote the song in a brothel. In this video Chris Tomlin tells the story of the song. (The video is kind of long so feel free to skip to the 2:40 mark)

We find love when we bring the light of Christ to those who need it most. When we lead a sinner to the light we are seeing love flow from us, love is shown to us from them, and best of all God's love for us is magnified. The Father's love for us is magnified because we have brought his child safely back into his arms.

If they had been thinking of the land from which they had come, they would have had opportunity to return. But now they desire a better homeland, a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. 

Hebrews 11:15-16

Learning to Listen

Growing up we all have that "momma always says" phrase. It's different for everyone but it's the words of wisdom that we never forget from our moms. For me, my momma always says, "you can't tell someone to love God until you love them first". The power of that phrase is that we should not have to try so hard to convert others. God is so wonderful and so powerful that his love speaks to everyone of every background. We don't have to try so hard because ultimately His truth prevails.

Sometimes, even as Christians we sometimes find ourselves just as stubborn as those we are hoping to convert. I myself am guilty of this. Last night I was having a good discussion with other Catholic friends of mine. I found myself a little less conservative than the rest of everyone in the group and it was an opinion I was not going to budge on. I was not open to hearing the opinion of my friends. I simply wanted them to see things the way I did because in my mind they were the ones who were close minded. I let them speak just trying to do the right thing and, by the grace of God, my ears were opened. I learned a lot last night and I'm the better for it. I saw this quote this morning and loved it:

Ok that sounds great, except I ultimately did accept the thought in that conversation so how does that quote mean anything to me? What I learned is that most of the time I am so unwilling to accept another thought that I never "entertain the thought" as Aristotle puts it. How does one entertain a thought while staying true to their beliefs? As humans we are on this quest for truth. Even when we find the truth we should always be looking for a deeper understanding of that truth. We entertain the thought because our need for truth should and does call us to hear any opportunity to learn about truth from one another. The problem is, we become convinced that we have found the truth. We then stop searching for a deeper understanding and become arrogant when others approach us with a different understanding of truth.

Our search for truth is what allows us to dismiss a thought while still taking the time to understand the viewpoint. We are all guilty of this at some point in time whether we admit it or not. Learning to listen can be the hardest thing at times. When we do listen with open minds, ears, and heart, we discover a power we never thought we had.

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” 

― George Bernard Shaw

His Word

Most of the time my posts are never planned. I may get an idea in my head and I'll spend the next few hours getting my thoughts out. In a way this has become an outlet for my brain. Today I just feel I need to write having no idea what my topic even is as of now. Here goes nothing.

So give me Words to speak
Don't let my Spirit sleep 
Every night, every day 
I find that I have nothing left to say 
So I stand here in silence
awaiting Your guidance 
I'm wanting only Your voice to be heard 
Let them be Your Words 

 -Aaron Shust: Give Me Words to Speak

The other day I was driving from my home town to Texas A&M for my New Student Conference. I was driving and along my route I got lost. There were two places that I know for a fact I had been which were: the spot I last remembered being before I got lost (lets call it point A) and the furthest I ended up going in the wrong direction (and this one point B). I know how I got from point A to point B based on landmarks along the road.

The driving time between point A and point B, according to multiple mapping websites, was about 30 minutes. So one hour total to get from point A to point B and back. The strange thing was I was delayed less than 20 minutes total. In addition, I never once went above the posted speed limit.

Now let me back up to the 60 seconds leading up to the point I got lost. There were many confusing exits I had to take and drivers were insane. I almost had a full blown panic attack because I was so scared. The last thing I remember of cars driving dangerously was the moment when two cars came into my lane from either side in front of me almost crashing into one another. At this point I freaked out and just began loudly praying, "Jesus, Mary, Joseph. Jesus HELP ME!"

This is sort of how I felt:

It took me 10 minutes to realize I had gotten lost and I was already at point B. As I was driving back to point A (which should have been 30 minutes but only took 5) I was listening to the Houston Christian radio, KSBJ. A woman called in on the radio saying she had seen a terrible accident at point A and to pray for the people there. I couldn't believe my ears, I thought I had heard the location wrong. Sure enough, as I approached point A, it was bumper to bumper due to the accident.

So cool story but why is it worth sharing? Because the end of the Bible does not mean there is an end to His word.

It is this disciple who testifies to these things and has written them, and we know that his testimony is true. There are also many other things that Jesus did, but if these were to be described individually, I do not think the whole world would contain the books that would be written.John 21:24-25

Priests: Surgeons of the Soul

Many times, when talking with friends who are not of the Catholic faith, the question of why priests are needed pops up in conversation. I used to have difficulty defending myself of that one but not because I didn't believe it myself. I had difficulty because I could see why many protestants didn't see the necessity of it. I knew that we believe in apostolic succession and I believed it myself so that was not the issue. The defense I often got was that because Jesus came he allowed us to speak directly to God instead of needing a priest to be the  intercessor.

Their answer made sense to me. Jesus became the intercessor. Now if you are a Catholic reading this you may be thinking, "how could you not understand?". I trusted the church in it's entirety. My belief was not what lacked. What lacked was my knowledge of how to defend what I believed.

For a long time I thought that if I read more, studied more, I would have the answer. That I must say is true, but the understanding came when, through reading scripture, I saw the parallel in my own life.

Before I continue I want to say that this is not about my beliefs in the health care system or anything of that sort, this is just the best way I can explain the necessity of priests.

Many argue that healthcare is something that should be free to all. As Americans we have some of the best healthcare in the world but it does come at a price but for good reason. Take a moment to think about what a surgeon does. The job of a surgeon is to cut into your body while you are asleep to do things to your internal organs in order to make you better. That surgeon has the power to kill or save you. Would you trust an average person off the street to cut you open and stick their hands inside your body? Of course not because you want the person who is highly qualified to do that.

Doctors take the time to spend years learning about the human body and how it works. When we pay for things like good health care we should not have an attitude of "here I need to be fixed, how horrible of you to make me pay so that I don't die". Instead what we are really saying is, "I could die, I want the best chance of living, please help me, I'll do whatever it takes".

Doctors in America are so good because they learn the most. First they get an undergraduate degree, then they go to medical school which takes years, then an internship, and then residency, before finally becoming an attending. (I could be wrong on that but the point is that it takes a long time) We don't pay doctors to do a job, we pay them to keep us alive. THAT is a HUGE responsibility. The people that take the time to go through that education and the demands of the job sacrifice a lot. When a doctor gets a call from work to come in at a moments notice they can't say no because it really is life or death. The families are also affected largely by the little time they see them.

So often we see the role of a priests as just a person who is in charge of a church. Though that is true in a lot of ways, the first and foremost job of a priest is to be a healer. We are not trusting a priest with death or life. We are trusting a priest with something so much more than that, Heaven or Hell, eternal happiness or eternal pain.

Now I speak to those who do not believe in the necessity of the priesthood.
Who is the one who administers baptism which frees you from original sin?
Who is the person you share your sins with so that they may be forgiven?

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The fervent prayer of a righteous person is very powerful. James 6:16 

What are their qualifications?

I was reading the daily mass readings for today (Monday May 20th 2013) and there was something that struck me.

When he entered the house, his disciples asked him in private, “Why could we not drive it out?” He said to them, “This kind can only come out through prayer.” Mark 9:28-29

Jesus has just driven a demon out of a boy. What struck me is that, when the disciples question how Jesus did it, Jesus says because it took prayer. Jesus does not say, "only I the savior can do it". Jesus in a nutshell says, "you have to pray more". Jesus is basically saying that in order to heal the soul, one must be more in tune with God than doctor is in tune with the human body. When it comes to Heaven or Hell, eternal happiness or eternal pain, you better believe I'd rather have the guy who has given up his entire life to pray.

To every priest, deacon, brother, sister, and lay person: 

THANK YOU for your countless hours of studying, prayer, and service.

Comfort Which Comes From Discomfort

I was reflecting on the daily readings from yesterday, Thursday May 16th, and something that really stuck out to me was the end of the first reading in Acts. The Lord comes to visit Paul to tell him that that he is to travel to Rome to preach the word of God. What stuck out to me was that just before Paul had done nothing but cause chaos in Jerusalem  You might say he caused trouble and God ordered him to leave. However, it seems to me that Paul did exactly what God wanted. Paul has spoken directly to them calling them out for their misdeeds. We all have those moments when someone points out our negative behavior. As much as we want to deny it, we know it is true and this makes us very uncomfortable. We react by either changing our ways or we avoid admitting it so we argue. This is what Paul has done, he has made the people uncomfortable.

There are times when I have gone to some churches and it seems that everyone is happy as if evil does not even exist. I find that this bothers me more than it comforts me, why? Part of me, as the daughter of a physics teacher, so the law that for every action this is an equal and opposite reaction applies to every aspect in life for me. People that are always happy bother me because I find myself confused because LIFE. It ain't easy, and we all know it. Everyone has their cross to carry.

The truth is that life isn't easy. Sin draws us to things like pre-marital sex, money, drugs, or alcohol. People do these things consciously because it seems cool. Subconsciously we do these things to try to fulfill  needs but in the improper way or we use them as a means of numbing the pain which we all endure. Over time we become tolerant of the pain and we forget that it is even there. It takes someone like Paul to speak up in order to make us feel uncomfortable so that we may see the light. This post is not about the pro-life debate, that is another topic for another day, but I would like to share with you a more modern example of how we all called to bring discomfort to the world through God. This is the video of a woman who survived an abortion and how her birth created discomfort. If you do not have the time to watch the entire 10 minute video, just watch the 35 second clip from 1:35-2:10.

Now I don't mean to say that peace does not exist. Many saints and people today find their peace through their suffering  We all suffer no matter what because it is a fact of life and many of us feel alone in our suffering. My question though is why? If you have even the slightest inkling that God exists, why would you not ask him for his help? The difference between those who suffer and those who suffer yet still have peace, is not that they are stronger than us but rather, they are suffering for and with God. When you suffer for and with God you no longer have to do it alone because his loving child has freely offered his life in order to help you.

Speed Limit 65

Today I made my way home for the summer after a year of hard work at school. As I was driving home for the first leg of the trip I found myself following the general rule when it comes to driving on the highway. "Don't be the fastest, don't be the slowest, and go with the flow of traffic". Then it dawned on me, a speed limit is more that just a suggestion it's the law. At which point I slowed down so that I could be sure I did not even slightly go over the speed limit.

Once I did this I began to notice the behaviors of other cars around me, while also becoming more aware of my own driving. I came to the conclusion that you have 3 types of drivers: the grandma slow types, the "popular kids" or peer pressure type, and the carefree maniac type.

I noticed that before when I would be going over I was constantly having to check the speedometer to make sure I wasn't going TOO far over the speed limit because if I was going SUPER fast then I would get pulled over. I was trying to get away with as much as I could without getting a ticket. However, when I slowed down I seemed to instinctively know where the limit was without having to watch the speedometer.

When I did slow down many cars began to pass me. At first I felt as if I was being rude by slowing other drivers down and not going at the speed as the rest of them. Some cars would get inches behind me on my tail trying to get me to go faster. If I was close to 5 mph under I would speed up right to the speed limit but I never went any faster. No matter how fast I went the ones tailing me were never satisfied. Even if I was going over they would still be on my tail trying to get me to go faster. I eventually just had to ignore anyone who was tailing me until they passed me. There were also some drivers that were going so fast and going in between cars recklessly that I just had to avoid these cars all together even if it meant slowing down a lot. With cars like that I was just trying to not get hurt. This is kind of what I felt whenever I encountered those specific drivers:

(notice how tense the man his, his tight grip on the wheel, the stress on his face,

and how calmly Jesus is guiding him while letting the man do the driving)

All of this got me thinking about how much we push the limits with our actions. Some of us just speed past everyone without caring if we get a ticket or not. Some of us will go slightly over the limit but not too much in order to avoid any "real" punishment. Lastly, there are those who seem to be an old grandma, sticking to old rules and customs that don't "fit" with today's times.

What we forget is that those limits are there for a reason. Limits are there to protect us. The government's job is to set these limits to protect us from harm. Things like speed limits, stop signs, health codes, etc. are all there for our benefit. For that reason, even though there are some laws that are unjust, God still calls us to respect government authority.

Obedience in Authority.Let every person be subordinate to the higher authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been established by God. Therefore, whoever resists authority opposes what God has appointed, and those who oppose it will bring judgment upon themselves. Romans 13:1-2

Obviously things like limits on religious freedom are unjust but that is another topic for another time. My point here is that, whether we like it or not, we should obey the law even with something as simple as a speed limit. This is to be extended to more than just limits from the government but also limits given to us from the Authority above. God loves and cares about us and he does not want to see us hurt. I mean seriously why shouldn't we obey both God and the law?

That being said, I can proudly say that, though a car that I parked has been hit a couple of times, I have never gotten a ticket or been in an accident and I have God and speed limits to thank for that.

On a more personal and final note:

Last April my home parish dedicated a new church. It was sort of strange with it opening just before I left for college because it no longer felt like home. One day in the chapel during my last adoration before I left for school I remembered God telling me that I needed to leave for a while and then later down the road I would come back and share what I had learned with my hometown. At the time I assumed that God meant maybe 10-20 I would come back as a youth minister. I was really nervous about coming home afraid I would give in to many temptations and slack off on my Catholic faith. Most of this semester in college the weather was cloudy, rainy, and cold. However, as I made my way home the clouds were overcast and somewhat dark but the direction where I was headed, though it was cloudy, it was as bright as the sun. Clearly God was saying that what was awaiting me was something beautiful. As I crossed the city limits into my hometown I could hear one voice coming from my father up above, "Welcome Home".

The "Catholic Bubble"

During my sophomore year of high school at colorguard practice (artistic form of ROTC) one night, I tossed my rifle up in the air for a double flat toss (a double flat toss is when the rifle spins around twice in a helicopter like fashion) but when I caught it my left hand missed and the rifle hit me in the face right at my left eyebrow. It felt like I had walked into a door, there was obvious pain but after a second I knew I would be able to shake it off. However, my coach immediately yelled for everyone to stop and urgently waved me to the sideline. It was then that I noticed my hand was wet with the blood dripping from where I had been hit. I went to an urgent care facility where they gave me 10 stitches.

The doctors told me I could practice the next day but for the first 24 hours it could not be to the extent of sweating which could possibly infect the wound. I went back the next day and my friends showed me where they had washed the blood off of my rifle. The problem was I knew what toss had hit me in the head and the blood was in the wrong place. It was a month before I finally figured out that I had twisted my rifle just slightly during the part before so the rifle was flipped the wrong way when I tossed it. That little mistake led to me miscalculating where to place my hands and therefore lead to me getting hit in the face.

Anyways, after the first 24 hours I went back to practice like normal but naturally when it came to that toss I would choose not to throw the toss out of fear. Slowly I worked my way up to tossing a single flat toss and I did that for a couple weeks. It wasn't until I had figured out the mistake I had made before I finally worked up the nerves to throwing the toss again. To this day I still flinch every time I see someone throw the toss.

Now there is a point to this. Many of us Catholics I feel sometimes have a tendency to live in a "Catholic bubble", I too am guilty of this. By "Catholic bubble" I mean that we have become so focused on our faith that we surround ourselves constantly with other Catholics. This is not a bad thing, in fact it is a wonderful thing to be around such wonderful people all the time. The problem with the "Catholic bubble" sometimes is that there is a certain level of spiritual fitness that we can never reach if we never leave the bubble. In the "Catholic bubble" life is easy, right and wrong are clear, temptation is little to none, and everyone around you supports and agrees with you.

"A lot of people view faith in God as something that binds you, places outdated rules on you, and most certainly isn’t worth all the hassle. The reality is the opposite: we’re made free in surrendering our lives to God – free from sin, from chains of addiction, from baggage, etc." Aaron Hostetter

It is much easier to be a good Catholic when you are surrounded by other Catholics than those who are not.

An example of this done beautifully is the life of Saint Vitalis of Gaza. Saint Vitalis was a monk who spent his days working as a day laborer. Every night Saint Vitalis would hire a prostitute for the night. Instead of having them "work" he instead would ask them to spend the one night free of sin in turn he would often pray with the women and bring them the gospel with his words and his actions. This man lived a life of holiness and chastity despite the fact that he was surrounded by such an immense amount of sin and temptation. After his death, many converted prostitutes came out of hiding processing with candles and lanterns as his body was taken to the grave.

It is the ultimate goal to have the strength to do what is hard without getting injured, or if you will, the lantern on a hill to the rest of the world. This is also similar to a gymnast who perfects technique before attempting a difficult stunt. The "Catholic bubble" can be extremely beneficial because you can avoid injury but, at the same time, I feel as though we ought to strive for more. I have a few specific friends that I can say are some of the most devout Catholics I know although many would never know it because of who they spend their time with. These friends of mine have many friends who make poor decisions but by living a wonderful Catholic life in a non-Catholic environment they have been able to bring the word of God to those who otherwise would never hear the name of Jesus. The lives that these friends live is so beautiful because they are strong enough in their faith that they are able to go into the darkest places without injuring themselves.

I would like to close with a quote:

"Judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the heart." - Saint Vitalis

God of a Colorful People

So I woke up today and I was going to put up some nice elegant post of some sort but something in me just said that I needed to share this reflection I had written 2 years ago while in physics class when we were taking notes on light. I have made a few modifications since the original version simply to make it more theologically accurate because at the time I lacked in knowledge that I now have. Still the message stays the same.

In science we are taught that black is not a color, it is just the absence of light. God tells us that he is in the light. In Genesis it says how before God created light there was nothing it was darkness, does this mean before light there was no God? but yet in order to have black darkness (the absence of light) there had to be light in order for there to be the absence of light.

Before Jesus, was hell not hurtful but just black darkness? When Jesus went to hell to save us did he bring light in that moment creating fire? This fire being not absence but ultimate desire to be with him? After all God describes his heart as burning with desire to love us and for us to love him. Is this not like a desperate girl after a break up? She wants the guy so much that it hurts her and after a while she forgets why shes hurting, she just hurts with the desire to be with him but she has forgotten it is him that she wants and desires.

Did God not exist before the light? or did he exist but not yet been revealed until the love and desire for human life was created? Could that be what created light? Does light consists of two parts? God's love for us and the essence of what we are as humans, could it be that when the God's love and God's desire for human life were brought together they create a big explosion and in return we were created? and when we were created a white pure light was made, thus revealing God to us? Is God not light without the essence of human life?

Therefore, if God is light then one must think we must have been created to absorb the light. White light is pure it's made up of all light but we as humans are colorful beings, we absorb light and what we reflect off of us is what we don't absorb, what we don't absorb keeps us from being white perfect light, what we don't absorb is reflected and goes to waste. So by being colorful as humans we are showing our imperfection, were not absorbing all the light, all the colors.

What colors we reflect are the colors we don't absorb and when we become blackness and go into the dark we would be refusing to absorb, refusing to absorb the great white and pure light that is our God.

Wedding By A Glassy Sea

So lately I've found myself praying a lot about this call to love that we all have. There are so many amazing ways I could tell you about all of what I have come to discover but I think first I should back up and give you a little background of how I came to understand love the way that I do now.

This past summer at a Steubenville Conference during adoration I  remember at one point picturing myself standing on a beach and at a distance Jesus was facing the land looking upon all of his creation and he held his hand out for me. The problem was, when I tried to step forward there was this glass barrier in front of me. For the longest time that night I fought with that barrier but eventually Jesus appeared next to me on my side of the glass (so now there were two Jesuses one at a distance and one next to me) who also held out his hand for me. I was hesitant to take his hand but eventually I did and I do not remember much else after that, just the inner peace that filled my heart. It occurred to me then that, even though we place these barriers between us and God, he still loves us and will do everything he can to ensure that he is there for us.

Now fast forward to this past Sunday. No big revelation of any sort just an inspiring homily. The visiting priest spoke to us college students facing finals. He said that Jesus made it easy. Jesus told us there will be one question on our final in life. When we come to the end he will simply ask us, "How well have you loved?" That's it, Jesus made it easy.

This may not make much sense but I promise it all connects in the end!

Now fast forward to last night at a praise and worship event that I helped lead. Most of what I do to help out is the set up and clean up so during the night I was able to enjoy the praise and worship as a participant. I was in wonderful meditation last night when again I pictured myself on that same beach as before when I was at Steubenville. This time I was on the other side of the glass but I was still holding on to the glass, trying to reach for Jesus but refusing to let go of the glass. When I would reach my hand would be within 6 in of Jesus' hand which frustrated me. I tried to let go of this glass but I couldn't. To me the glass was stable, it was secure and I knew the physical properties of the glass. With the glass I knew what to expect but if I let go so that I could take the hand of Jesus then I would not know what to expect.

-I can imagine this is what might have gone through the mind of Peter when Jesus walked on water.-

Then out of nowhere I remembered seeing someone at my feet who needed my help and I bent down to help them. Then there was another person a few steps away who needed my help when I finished with the first person. This continued to happen till eventually at the end of the line of helping people I found myself at the feet of Jesus. He asked me, "How well have you loved?" I looked back and saw all the people that I had loved on my journey to Jesus. Only then did I notice that I had let go of the glassy wall.

Now what would one of my posts be without a super cheesy analogy?

Very few people will probably know what I am talking about but when I was younger I loved watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch with Melissa Joan Hart. In the series there is an eppisode when Sabrina is being tested to find out if she or her twin is the evil twin. During one of the questions the proctor asks, "what is your career objective?". The twin answers beautifully saying that she wanted to be a vet and help animals. When Sabrina is asked the question she gets distracted by a random dog that appears and because she plays with dog she missed the question and answers, yellow.

This is sort of what happened to me. I wanted to love Jesus so much but I was focusing on what I needed to change. In reality though I did not need to change I just needed to love. That was it.

Another thing this reminds me of is Grey's Anatomy (maybe this one will make more sense, since I assume more would be familiar with this). There is an episode where all of the residents are bickering. In order to stop the bickering (and to establish dominance in the group, though that is besides the point), the attendings give them a patient with many complications. As the person is open on the table the doctors just stand there arguing until one doctor out of nowhere just starts operating without even thinking and is able to save the patient. This doctor in the more recent season (spoiler alert if you haven't seen this season) ends up becoming the head of the hospital board. (He becomes head because his well known mother essentially buys him the job. HEY LOOK! That advocacy thing I mentioned before!)

So what is the point of all of this? We can't fight to be with Jesus, we can't earn it, we can't even try to be the best person ever. All we must do is find ways to love. I want to close with the lyrics of the song, Holy Wedding Day by The City Harmonic, that was played last night. Just the pure irony put a big smile on my face.

This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
But it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea
O death where is your sting
Cause I'll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord 

This is the story of a bride in white
Waiting on her wedding day
Anticipation welling up inside
While the groom is crowned as king
O death where is your sting
Cause we'll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord 

....... 

This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
And it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea

This is the story of the a bride in white
Singing on her wedding day
Of the God who was and is to stand before a bride who sings
Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty

A Call to Advocacy

Advocate- person who pleads for or in behalf of another

We all desire to be loved. Many people experience that love through words of encouragement, someone telling us that we are awesome. Although, for me personally, words of encouragement never did much. I sometimes wonder, why is that? I don't think I hate myself and I want to believe it but for some reason I still struggle with it. While reflecting on this thought today I thought back to the scene in Mean Girls when Regina tells a girl in the hallway how good her skirt looks but the second the girl walks away, Regina says how awful it really looks. I then thought to myself maybe that is why words of encouragement don't mean that much to me. At times I think I do have a hard time trusting that people truly mean what they say. On the other hand, we shouldn't matter what people think of us.

Although we should never measure our value by what others think of us, that doesn't necessarily mean that we are not obligated to do more to show how much we care about how much we value one another. Regina tells the girl she is pretty but she never boasts to another person about how beautiful this girl is.

I think that sharing with others is the key difference between being just being kind and truly loving something about someone. Our faith should be no different. If we go to church, youth group, praise and worship events and tell God how awesome he is but we never tell a soul, do we really think he is that awesome?

How about I say it another way. If God truly is all of the things we say that he is, how could we praise him but not tell others? If God is truly all of the things we say that he is, how can we talk with our church friends all day about the things he has done for us but not tell someone who has never known God?

Mark 16:19-20 

Then the Lord Jesus, after he spoke to them,
was taken up into heaven
and took his seat at the right hand of God.
But they went forth and preached everywhere,
while the Lord worked with them
and confirmed the word through accompanying signs.

We are called to be advocates for both God and one another. If a person truly is the good that we say they are, we should be feel obligated to ourselves to tell others. I'll admit, although I feel happy when people say kind things to me I still doubt if they really feel that way or not. However, when people tell others what they think of me I KNOW it's true.

If I were to look at all of the people in my life and pick one person who did this more than anyone in my life it would be my mom. I've Mom's are the best advocates there are because they not only do they tell us how awesome we are, they brag about us to every single person they ever meet. My mom, second only to Jesus, is the best advocate I've got because no matter what I say or do she still believes in me. When I am hard on myself she is the one to speak up and say that I can do it. During a fight her exact word's were, "Stop giving yourself a pity party and do something". It sounds harsh but the fact is even when she is mad at me she still believes in me.

I want to close with one final thought. It is because of my mom that I can fully understand the complexity of the Wedding at Cana and what it means to advocate for someone.

John 2:1-5 

The Wedding at Cana.
1 On the third day there was a wedding in Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. 2 Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” 4 [And] Jesus said to her, “Woman, how does your concern affect me? My hour has not yet come.” 5 His mother said to the servers, “Do whatever he tells you.”

I think another way to translate what Jesus tells his mother would be, "Why should I? I can't do that yet." At which point Mary ignores his statement and puts Jesus in a position where he can't say no.

Claritin Clear

Every 2-3 years or so a commercial comes out that everyone seems to have memorized within a matter of weeks because of how simple, annoying, and repetitive it is. In 5th grade that commercial was the Claritin allergy commercial. If you don't know or don't remember what commercial I am referring to then maybe this will ring a bell. Every Claritin clear commercial used to end with someone unfocused on the screen and they'd say "There's clear" (then the remove the foggy screen) "Then there's Claritin clear". I like to think of Claritin when I think of Easter. Why? Because Easter Sunday is the moment of clarity.

If you ever watch Passion of the Christ there is a moment when the camera is zooming out on Mary's face as she is holding Jesus once he has been taken down from the cross. In this image of her you can see, not lack of trust but, confusion. Her face speaks the scrambled thoughts in her head, "I'm confused... God you told the world what my son would do... how could this be your plan for that? He's dead, that's the end. Lord I trust that you will save us but death is permanent  this can't be the end though, you will has not yet be completed. I don't understand your plan Lord."

3 days later Jesus rose. 

I love how when Jesus does appear to everyone on Easter Sunday how when the people finally put the pieces together they are like "oh....duh" and I can imagine Jesus reacts to their dumbfounded faces with a reaction like this:

Back to my point though. When we look back at scripture it seems so obvious what Jesus came here to do but in reality even Peter couldn't figure it out. You know, Peter, our first pope, Jesus gave him the keys to the kingdom, that guy. We wonder how they could not figure it out but when we look at society, should we really be that surprised? All over the world there is tragedy because we humans do not "get it". If death were the end then there would be no reason to have hope or to continue on after disasters. But that's the thing! Death is not the end! Jesus came. Jesus died. That should have been the end, that was what everyone mocked Jesus about as he was carrying the cross. They made fun saying that if he was the son of God then he would not die because God exists forever.

At that point in time that was all anyone knew, death was the end. Jesus would save everyone by destroying death. A better way to put it though might be to say that instead Jesus showed us that death was not the end. The reason death is not the end is because Jesus gave his life for us. He could have died and saved us but we would never know. Jesus in all of his love and mercy though came back to Earth to show us that it was never the end. Jesus by his resurrection gave us clarity.

We celebrate this mystery every year at Easter. Many who are not Catholic I find are intreguied by the season of Lent that is so prevelant in the Catholic church. They have every reason to, it is a time of fasting, almsgiving, we celebrate the last supper, the death of Jesus, etc. However, sometimes what often gets forgotten is the fact that we spend 50 days celebrating Easter.

Lent=40 days. Easter=50 days!

We celebrate 50 days of Easter because it is that moment of clarity after all of our fasting, sacrifice, and almsgiving during Lent. Easter is that time when celebrate that moment when we finally understood why we suffered, why we are here, and see that God really did have a plan for everything all along. That is something worth celebrating.

*minor correction (Blessed Pope John Paul II)*

Dora the Explorer

Sometimes I jealous of Dora the Explorer.

Yes, you heard right I am jealous of Dora the Explorer. Why?

Her Backpack.

Have you ever noticed all of the STUFF Dora keeps in her backpack? Sometimes Dora will have in her backpack something as simple as paper or an umbrella but other times there will be items such as multiple ladders at once or even a space suit.

One would have to think that either Dora's back must be extremely strong, she is extremely tired and sore, or her backpack has a magical force to help her.

On a typical day my backpack is known to be holding my Bible, laptop, math binder, history binder, biology binder, lab manual, class folders, at least one textbook, and other miscellaneous items. After a while my back gets pretty sore and I get tired. I often find myself complaining or wishing I didn't have to carry so much with me in a single day. At the same time I could take out a folder, paper, or the many miscellaneous items. So why don't I take out the little things to ease my load? Simple. I don't ever want to walk out the front door without absolutely everything I need to get me through the school day. Another option is I could just leave school altogether and get a job, after all college isn't required. I choose, however, to go to school to learn the skills I feel would help me to be an active member of society, even though at times it is hard.

Ok that sounds great, but what's point to all of this? I don't know about the rest of the world but often times I find my spiritual life this way as well, especially during times of immense blessings such as the Easter season. It as if the many blessings that come from God have to be carried on our back. God blesses me with so much in my life and it is all very exciting but sometimes I get pretty exhausted carrying all of the blessings. Naturally in these times temptation comes into play and I want to not be blessed by God. A feeling of guilt for not wanting God's blessings also enter my thoughts.

When I ponder over all of this naturally my thoughts would be lead to the burden Jesus carried when he carried the cross. Jesus didn't have to carry the cross but he saw how important his journey was on the cross so he kept on going. Here's what really strikes me though, even Jesus the Messiah did not do it alone.

"As they led him away they took hold of a certain Simon, a Cyrenian, who was coming in from the country; and after laying the cross on him, they made him carry it behind Jesus" Luke 23:26

The greatest man that ever walked the face of the Earth had to humble himself enough to accept the help of another. I cannot imagine what Jesus must have been thinking when the guards forced another man to help him. I can only wish that I could have been there to help the man that would give his life for me. For this reason, when our load gets heavy we must not continue on in our path. Instead, we must take a moment and ask ourselves three questions:

1. Is there someone out there waiting to help me? 
2. Am I being selfish by carrying my burdens on my own? 
3. How conceited am I if I can't even ask for help with the hard stuff?

Even when there are blessings the journey is still rough. I look at my day so far and with each new happiness I find a new set of things to carry in my backpack.

So I guess when I really think about it, I can't be jealous of Dora because I have someone more powerful than a magic backpack. I have Jesus.

"For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in him may have eternal life, and I shall raise him on the last day.” John 6:40

A Thousand Years of Hope

About 2,000 years ago something happened. One man was killed by his own people and when he escaped the prison walls of death, he came back. What did that man do when he came back? He expressed love to the very man that denied him three times.

In a world of death and darkness God still remains.

Darkness is not dark for you, and night shines as the day. Darkness and light are but one. Psalm 139:12

One year ago today I lost my beloved grandma to a long battle of cancer. She was a fighter, she fought not so that she could live, but so that she could give. My grandmother is still making a difference because even now when I want to give up I think of her and I always find the strength to keep on going. This is her song, a message of never ending love.

Paper Lanterns

Did you know that if you spin in a circle really fast when it's dark outside and someone shines a light in your eyes you will immediately fall to the ground? No one knows exactly why this is but I can't help but think that maybe the brain is overwhelmed by the brightness of the light that it brings us to our knees.

God saw how good the light was. God then separated the light from the darkness. Genesis 1:4

Last Friday I went to dinner with some new friends of mine. After dinner some of the girls in our group wanted to go light some paper lanterns they had bought. Intrigued, the entire group decided to go along for the ride. So here I found myself in an empty field, in the middle of the night, with people that I barely knew, lighting things on fire. The introvert side of me was NOT happy.

So as a group we lit the first lantern but as the hot air filled the lantern it was apparent that the wind might cause a problem. If you have never lit a paper lantern before, it is important that the lantern to floats upward into the sky. My friends, James and Zach, and myself (the intelligent ones of the group) began to logically inform the group of why this was a bad idea. We saw that the wind could possibly blow the lantern sideways, and if the lantern hit the ground too soon, it could potentially start a dangerous fire. After much pleading, the others listened to us and the debate about the lanterns was over (or so we thought).

After a minute or so we notice that those who thought the lantern was a good idea have quietly gone to the other side of the field, making a second attempt to light another paper lantern. The lantern fills with hot air and rises into the sky. James, Zach, and I stand back fearing the worst possible outcome as the paper lantern just misses the power lines. The 3 of us stood back to watch   the lantern float up into the sky. My knees became weak and I struggled just to keep from falling to the ground. When the lantern finally dies out the group comes back to us with one last lantern to light. This time all of us light the lantern and we each hold onto an edge. The lantern fills with hot air and nervously I am the last to let go of the lantern. 

As the lantern floated into the dark sky I was overwhelmed with peace because I was no longer focused on blowing out the light God gave to me at my very Baptism. Instead, I was looking at how bright the flame was in the midst of the dark night.

Fire is a scary thing. Fire spreads fast in a wildfire. Fire can burn us, destroy homes, and at times fire can even kill. There is a reason why Hell is described as a burning pit. 

At the same time there is this other type of fire, one that provides light. This fire of light is our baptismal candle, it’s the lit candle in memory of a lost loved one, it’s the burning bush, it’s the Holy Spirit, it’s the very heart of Jesus.

Night will be no more, nor will they need light from lamp or sun, for the Lord God shall give them light, and they shall reign forever and ever. Revelations 22:5

Before I even joined my new friends that night for dinner, I hesitated. I was afraid of getting burned again by past friendships that still troubled me. I had helped light the candle, but still I was afraid to let go of the lantern out of lack of trust in the people around me. I couldn't bring myself to trust the words of encouragement coming from my friends. Letting go of that lantern I finally allowed myself to open up to the gift of friendship God blessed me with. The following night at dinner another friend from the group reminded me that "this is the way it should be...God knew this was the right time"

I close with a quote from my sister less than a month previous to the lighting of the paper lanterns. 

"Accept that things are starting to change and turn around. A lot of things in your life are starting to fall into place. Believe it and it should feel nice. Be happy about it. Be humble and trust God. (He probably will not tease you.)"