Wedding By A Glassy Sea

So lately I've found myself praying a lot about this call to love that we all have. There are so many amazing ways I could tell you about all of what I have come to discover but I think first I should back up and give you a little background of how I came to understand love the way that I do now.

This past summer at a Steubenville Conference during adoration I  remember at one point picturing myself standing on a beach and at a distance Jesus was facing the land looking upon all of his creation and he held his hand out for me. The problem was, when I tried to step forward there was this glass barrier in front of me. For the longest time that night I fought with that barrier but eventually Jesus appeared next to me on my side of the glass (so now there were two Jesuses one at a distance and one next to me) who also held out his hand for me. I was hesitant to take his hand but eventually I did and I do not remember much else after that, just the inner peace that filled my heart. It occurred to me then that, even though we place these barriers between us and God, he still loves us and will do everything he can to ensure that he is there for us.

Now fast forward to this past Sunday. No big revelation of any sort just an inspiring homily. The visiting priest spoke to us college students facing finals. He said that Jesus made it easy. Jesus told us there will be one question on our final in life. When we come to the end he will simply ask us, "How well have you loved?" That's it, Jesus made it easy.

This may not make much sense but I promise it all connects in the end!

Now fast forward to last night at a praise and worship event that I helped lead. Most of what I do to help out is the set up and clean up so during the night I was able to enjoy the praise and worship as a participant. I was in wonderful meditation last night when again I pictured myself on that same beach as before when I was at Steubenville. This time I was on the other side of the glass but I was still holding on to the glass, trying to reach for Jesus but refusing to let go of the glass. When I would reach my hand would be within 6 in of Jesus' hand which frustrated me. I tried to let go of this glass but I couldn't. To me the glass was stable, it was secure and I knew the physical properties of the glass. With the glass I knew what to expect but if I let go so that I could take the hand of Jesus then I would not know what to expect.

-I can imagine this is what might have gone through the mind of Peter when Jesus walked on water.-

Then out of nowhere I remembered seeing someone at my feet who needed my help and I bent down to help them. Then there was another person a few steps away who needed my help when I finished with the first person. This continued to happen till eventually at the end of the line of helping people I found myself at the feet of Jesus. He asked me, "How well have you loved?" I looked back and saw all the people that I had loved on my journey to Jesus. Only then did I notice that I had let go of the glassy wall.

Now what would one of my posts be without a super cheesy analogy?

Very few people will probably know what I am talking about but when I was younger I loved watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch with Melissa Joan Hart. In the series there is an eppisode when Sabrina is being tested to find out if she or her twin is the evil twin. During one of the questions the proctor asks, "what is your career objective?". The twin answers beautifully saying that she wanted to be a vet and help animals. When Sabrina is asked the question she gets distracted by a random dog that appears and because she plays with dog she missed the question and answers, yellow.

This is sort of what happened to me. I wanted to love Jesus so much but I was focusing on what I needed to change. In reality though I did not need to change I just needed to love. That was it.

Another thing this reminds me of is Grey's Anatomy (maybe this one will make more sense, since I assume more would be familiar with this). There is an episode where all of the residents are bickering. In order to stop the bickering (and to establish dominance in the group, though that is besides the point), the attendings give them a patient with many complications. As the person is open on the table the doctors just stand there arguing until one doctor out of nowhere just starts operating without even thinking and is able to save the patient. This doctor in the more recent season (spoiler alert if you haven't seen this season) ends up becoming the head of the hospital board. (He becomes head because his well known mother essentially buys him the job. HEY LOOK! That advocacy thing I mentioned before!)

So what is the point of all of this? We can't fight to be with Jesus, we can't earn it, we can't even try to be the best person ever. All we must do is find ways to love. I want to close with the lyrics of the song, Holy Wedding Day by The City Harmonic, that was played last night. Just the pure irony put a big smile on my face.

This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
But it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea
O death where is your sting
Cause I'll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord 

This is the story of a bride in white
Waiting on her wedding day
Anticipation welling up inside
While the groom is crowned as king
O death where is your sting
Cause we'll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord 

....... 

This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
And it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea

This is the story of the a bride in white
Singing on her wedding day
Of the God who was and is to stand before a bride who sings
Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty

A Call to Advocacy

Advocate- person who pleads for or in behalf of another

We all desire to be loved. Many people experience that love through words of encouragement, someone telling us that we are awesome. Although, for me personally, words of encouragement never did much. I sometimes wonder, why is that? I don't think I hate myself and I want to believe it but for some reason I still struggle with it. While reflecting on this thought today I thought back to the scene in Mean Girls when Regina tells a girl in the hallway how good her skirt looks but the second the girl walks away, Regina says how awful it really looks. I then thought to myself maybe that is why words of encouragement don't mean that much to me. At times I think I do have a hard time trusting that people truly mean what they say. On the other hand, we shouldn't matter what people think of us.

Although we should never measure our value by what others think of us, that doesn't necessarily mean that we are not obligated to do more to show how much we care about how much we value one another. Regina tells the girl she is pretty but she never boasts to another person about how beautiful this girl is.

I think that sharing with others is the key difference between being just being kind and truly loving something about someone. Our faith should be no different. If we go to church, youth group, praise and worship events and tell God how awesome he is but we never tell a soul, do we really think he is that awesome?

How about I say it another way. If God truly is all of the things we say that he is, how could we praise him but not tell others? If God is truly all of the things we say that he is, how can we talk with our church friends all day about the things he has done for us but not tell someone who has never known God?

Mark 16:19-20 

Then the Lord Jesus, after he spoke to them,
was taken up into heaven
and took his seat at the right hand of God.
But they went forth and preached everywhere,
while the Lord worked with them
and confirmed the word through accompanying signs.

We are called to be advocates for both God and one another. If a person truly is the good that we say they are, we should be feel obligated to ourselves to tell others. I'll admit, although I feel happy when people say kind things to me I still doubt if they really feel that way or not. However, when people tell others what they think of me I KNOW it's true.

If I were to look at all of the people in my life and pick one person who did this more than anyone in my life it would be my mom. I've Mom's are the best advocates there are because they not only do they tell us how awesome we are, they brag about us to every single person they ever meet. My mom, second only to Jesus, is the best advocate I've got because no matter what I say or do she still believes in me. When I am hard on myself she is the one to speak up and say that I can do it. During a fight her exact word's were, "Stop giving yourself a pity party and do something". It sounds harsh but the fact is even when she is mad at me she still believes in me.

I want to close with one final thought. It is because of my mom that I can fully understand the complexity of the Wedding at Cana and what it means to advocate for someone.

John 2:1-5 

The Wedding at Cana.
1 On the third day there was a wedding in Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. 2 Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” 4 [And] Jesus said to her, “Woman, how does your concern affect me? My hour has not yet come.” 5 His mother said to the servers, “Do whatever he tells you.”

I think another way to translate what Jesus tells his mother would be, "Why should I? I can't do that yet." At which point Mary ignores his statement and puts Jesus in a position where he can't say no.

Claritin Clear

Every 2-3 years or so a commercial comes out that everyone seems to have memorized within a matter of weeks because of how simple, annoying, and repetitive it is. In 5th grade that commercial was the Claritin allergy commercial. If you don't know or don't remember what commercial I am referring to then maybe this will ring a bell. Every Claritin clear commercial used to end with someone unfocused on the screen and they'd say "There's clear" (then the remove the foggy screen) "Then there's Claritin clear". I like to think of Claritin when I think of Easter. Why? Because Easter Sunday is the moment of clarity.

If you ever watch Passion of the Christ there is a moment when the camera is zooming out on Mary's face as she is holding Jesus once he has been taken down from the cross. In this image of her you can see, not lack of trust but, confusion. Her face speaks the scrambled thoughts in her head, "I'm confused... God you told the world what my son would do... how could this be your plan for that? He's dead, that's the end. Lord I trust that you will save us but death is permanent  this can't be the end though, you will has not yet be completed. I don't understand your plan Lord."

3 days later Jesus rose. 

I love how when Jesus does appear to everyone on Easter Sunday how when the people finally put the pieces together they are like "oh....duh" and I can imagine Jesus reacts to their dumbfounded faces with a reaction like this:

Back to my point though. When we look back at scripture it seems so obvious what Jesus came here to do but in reality even Peter couldn't figure it out. You know, Peter, our first pope, Jesus gave him the keys to the kingdom, that guy. We wonder how they could not figure it out but when we look at society, should we really be that surprised? All over the world there is tragedy because we humans do not "get it". If death were the end then there would be no reason to have hope or to continue on after disasters. But that's the thing! Death is not the end! Jesus came. Jesus died. That should have been the end, that was what everyone mocked Jesus about as he was carrying the cross. They made fun saying that if he was the son of God then he would not die because God exists forever.

At that point in time that was all anyone knew, death was the end. Jesus would save everyone by destroying death. A better way to put it though might be to say that instead Jesus showed us that death was not the end. The reason death is not the end is because Jesus gave his life for us. He could have died and saved us but we would never know. Jesus in all of his love and mercy though came back to Earth to show us that it was never the end. Jesus by his resurrection gave us clarity.

We celebrate this mystery every year at Easter. Many who are not Catholic I find are intreguied by the season of Lent that is so prevelant in the Catholic church. They have every reason to, it is a time of fasting, almsgiving, we celebrate the last supper, the death of Jesus, etc. However, sometimes what often gets forgotten is the fact that we spend 50 days celebrating Easter.

Lent=40 days. Easter=50 days!

We celebrate 50 days of Easter because it is that moment of clarity after all of our fasting, sacrifice, and almsgiving during Lent. Easter is that time when celebrate that moment when we finally understood why we suffered, why we are here, and see that God really did have a plan for everything all along. That is something worth celebrating.

*minor correction (Blessed Pope John Paul II)*

Dora the Explorer

Sometimes I jealous of Dora the Explorer.

Yes, you heard right I am jealous of Dora the Explorer. Why?

Her Backpack.

Have you ever noticed all of the STUFF Dora keeps in her backpack? Sometimes Dora will have in her backpack something as simple as paper or an umbrella but other times there will be items such as multiple ladders at once or even a space suit.

One would have to think that either Dora's back must be extremely strong, she is extremely tired and sore, or her backpack has a magical force to help her.

On a typical day my backpack is known to be holding my Bible, laptop, math binder, history binder, biology binder, lab manual, class folders, at least one textbook, and other miscellaneous items. After a while my back gets pretty sore and I get tired. I often find myself complaining or wishing I didn't have to carry so much with me in a single day. At the same time I could take out a folder, paper, or the many miscellaneous items. So why don't I take out the little things to ease my load? Simple. I don't ever want to walk out the front door without absolutely everything I need to get me through the school day. Another option is I could just leave school altogether and get a job, after all college isn't required. I choose, however, to go to school to learn the skills I feel would help me to be an active member of society, even though at times it is hard.

Ok that sounds great, but what's point to all of this? I don't know about the rest of the world but often times I find my spiritual life this way as well, especially during times of immense blessings such as the Easter season. It as if the many blessings that come from God have to be carried on our back. God blesses me with so much in my life and it is all very exciting but sometimes I get pretty exhausted carrying all of the blessings. Naturally in these times temptation comes into play and I want to not be blessed by God. A feeling of guilt for not wanting God's blessings also enter my thoughts.

When I ponder over all of this naturally my thoughts would be lead to the burden Jesus carried when he carried the cross. Jesus didn't have to carry the cross but he saw how important his journey was on the cross so he kept on going. Here's what really strikes me though, even Jesus the Messiah did not do it alone.

"As they led him away they took hold of a certain Simon, a Cyrenian, who was coming in from the country; and after laying the cross on him, they made him carry it behind Jesus" Luke 23:26

The greatest man that ever walked the face of the Earth had to humble himself enough to accept the help of another. I cannot imagine what Jesus must have been thinking when the guards forced another man to help him. I can only wish that I could have been there to help the man that would give his life for me. For this reason, when our load gets heavy we must not continue on in our path. Instead, we must take a moment and ask ourselves three questions:

1. Is there someone out there waiting to help me? 
2. Am I being selfish by carrying my burdens on my own? 
3. How conceited am I if I can't even ask for help with the hard stuff?

Even when there are blessings the journey is still rough. I look at my day so far and with each new happiness I find a new set of things to carry in my backpack.

So I guess when I really think about it, I can't be jealous of Dora because I have someone more powerful than a magic backpack. I have Jesus.

"For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in him may have eternal life, and I shall raise him on the last day.” John 6:40

A Thousand Years of Hope

About 2,000 years ago something happened. One man was killed by his own people and when he escaped the prison walls of death, he came back. What did that man do when he came back? He expressed love to the very man that denied him three times.

In a world of death and darkness God still remains.

Darkness is not dark for you, and night shines as the day. Darkness and light are but one. Psalm 139:12

One year ago today I lost my beloved grandma to a long battle of cancer. She was a fighter, she fought not so that she could live, but so that she could give. My grandmother is still making a difference because even now when I want to give up I think of her and I always find the strength to keep on going. This is her song, a message of never ending love.

Paper Lanterns

Did you know that if you spin in a circle really fast when it's dark outside and someone shines a light in your eyes you will immediately fall to the ground? No one knows exactly why this is but I can't help but think that maybe the brain is overwhelmed by the brightness of the light that it brings us to our knees.

God saw how good the light was. God then separated the light from the darkness. Genesis 1:4

Last Friday I went to dinner with some new friends of mine. After dinner some of the girls in our group wanted to go light some paper lanterns they had bought. Intrigued, the entire group decided to go along for the ride. So here I found myself in an empty field, in the middle of the night, with people that I barely knew, lighting things on fire. The introvert side of me was NOT happy.

So as a group we lit the first lantern but as the hot air filled the lantern it was apparent that the wind might cause a problem. If you have never lit a paper lantern before, it is important that the lantern to floats upward into the sky. My friends, James and Zach, and myself (the intelligent ones of the group) began to logically inform the group of why this was a bad idea. We saw that the wind could possibly blow the lantern sideways, and if the lantern hit the ground too soon, it could potentially start a dangerous fire. After much pleading, the others listened to us and the debate about the lanterns was over (or so we thought).

After a minute or so we notice that those who thought the lantern was a good idea have quietly gone to the other side of the field, making a second attempt to light another paper lantern. The lantern fills with hot air and rises into the sky. James, Zach, and I stand back fearing the worst possible outcome as the paper lantern just misses the power lines. The 3 of us stood back to watch   the lantern float up into the sky. My knees became weak and I struggled just to keep from falling to the ground. When the lantern finally dies out the group comes back to us with one last lantern to light. This time all of us light the lantern and we each hold onto an edge. The lantern fills with hot air and nervously I am the last to let go of the lantern. 

As the lantern floated into the dark sky I was overwhelmed with peace because I was no longer focused on blowing out the light God gave to me at my very Baptism. Instead, I was looking at how bright the flame was in the midst of the dark night.

Fire is a scary thing. Fire spreads fast in a wildfire. Fire can burn us, destroy homes, and at times fire can even kill. There is a reason why Hell is described as a burning pit. 

At the same time there is this other type of fire, one that provides light. This fire of light is our baptismal candle, it’s the lit candle in memory of a lost loved one, it’s the burning bush, it’s the Holy Spirit, it’s the very heart of Jesus.

Night will be no more, nor will they need light from lamp or sun, for the Lord God shall give them light, and they shall reign forever and ever. Revelations 22:5

Before I even joined my new friends that night for dinner, I hesitated. I was afraid of getting burned again by past friendships that still troubled me. I had helped light the candle, but still I was afraid to let go of the lantern out of lack of trust in the people around me. I couldn't bring myself to trust the words of encouragement coming from my friends. Letting go of that lantern I finally allowed myself to open up to the gift of friendship God blessed me with. The following night at dinner another friend from the group reminded me that "this is the way it should be...God knew this was the right time"

I close with a quote from my sister less than a month previous to the lighting of the paper lanterns. 

"Accept that things are starting to change and turn around. A lot of things in your life are starting to fall into place. Believe it and it should feel nice. Be happy about it. Be humble and trust God. (He probably will not tease you.)"