This past summer at a Steubenville Conference during adoration I remember at one point picturing myself standing on a beach and at a distance Jesus was facing the land looking upon all of his creation and he held his hand out for me. The problem was, when I tried to step forward there was this glass barrier in front of me. For the longest time that night I fought with that barrier but eventually Jesus appeared next to me on my side of the glass (so now there were two Jesuses one at a distance and one next to me) who also held out his hand for me. I was hesitant to take his hand but eventually I did and I do not remember much else after that, just the inner peace that filled my heart. It occurred to me then that, even though we place these barriers between us and God, he still loves us and will do everything he can to ensure that he is there for us.
Now fast forward to this past Sunday. No big revelation of any sort just an inspiring homily. The visiting priest spoke to us college students facing finals. He said that Jesus made it easy. Jesus told us there will be one question on our final in life. When we come to the end he will simply ask us, "How well have you loved?" That's it, Jesus made it easy.
This may not make much sense but I promise it all connects in the end!
Now fast forward to last night at a praise and worship event that I helped lead. Most of what I do to help out is the set up and clean up so during the night I was able to enjoy the praise and worship as a participant. I was in wonderful meditation last night when again I pictured myself on that same beach as before when I was at Steubenville. This time I was on the other side of the glass but I was still holding on to the glass, trying to reach for Jesus but refusing to let go of the glass. When I would reach my hand would be within 6 in of Jesus' hand which frustrated me. I tried to let go of this glass but I couldn't. To me the glass was stable, it was secure and I knew the physical properties of the glass. With the glass I knew what to expect but if I let go so that I could take the hand of Jesus then I would not know what to expect.
-I can imagine this is what might have gone through the mind of Peter when Jesus walked on water.-
Then out of nowhere I remembered seeing someone at my feet who needed my help and I bent down to help them. Then there was another person a few steps away who needed my help when I finished with the first person. This continued to happen till eventually at the end of the line of helping people I found myself at the feet of Jesus. He asked me, "How well have you loved?" I looked back and saw all the people that I had loved on my journey to Jesus. Only then did I notice that I had let go of the glassy wall.
Now what would one of my posts be without a super cheesy analogy?
Very few people will probably know what I am talking about but when I was younger I loved watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch with Melissa Joan Hart. In the series there is an eppisode when Sabrina is being tested to find out if she or her twin is the evil twin. During one of the questions the proctor asks, "what is your career objective?". The twin answers beautifully saying that she wanted to be a vet and help animals. When Sabrina is asked the question she gets distracted by a random dog that appears and because she plays with dog she missed the question and answers, yellow.
This is sort of what happened to me. I wanted to love Jesus so much but I was focusing on what I needed to change. In reality though I did not need to change I just needed to love. That was it.
Another thing this reminds me of is Grey's Anatomy (maybe this one will make more sense, since I assume more would be familiar with this). There is an episode where all of the residents are bickering. In order to stop the bickering (and to establish dominance in the group, though that is besides the point), the attendings give them a patient with many complications. As the person is open on the table the doctors just stand there arguing until one doctor out of nowhere just starts operating without even thinking and is able to save the patient. This doctor in the more recent season (spoiler alert if you haven't seen this season) ends up becoming the head of the hospital board. (He becomes head because his well known mother essentially buys him the job. HEY LOOK! That advocacy thing I mentioned before!)
So what is the point of all of this? We can't fight to be with Jesus, we can't earn it, we can't even try to be the best person ever. All we must do is find ways to love. I want to close with the lyrics of the song, Holy Wedding Day by The City Harmonic, that was played last night. Just the pure irony put a big smile on my face.
This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
But it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea
O death where is your sting
Cause I'll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord
This is the story of a bride in white
Waiting on her wedding day
Anticipation welling up inside
While the groom is crowned as king
O death where is your sting
Cause we'll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord
.......
This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
And it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea
This is the story of the a bride in white
Singing on her wedding day
Of the God who was and is to stand before a bride who sings
Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty
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